What I did on my summer vacation.

Yes sports fans it has been almost a month since my last blog. Survivor will be returning soon so I thought it was time for some pre-season stretching.
So what have I been doing all summer? First of all, I decided it was time to turn fifty. Some people go back to school, some visit relatives and others fret about retirement. I actually sat down the other day and contemplated all the changes congress is enacting and figured out I could afford to retire on March 4, 2066. Yes folks all my bills will be at a zero balance and with what congress is now proposing I will have paid my fair share to house, feed, clothe educate and insure the 36 none english speaking, no job illegal aliens from Mexico, Afghanistan, Portugal, parts of North Dakota and Cuba that crossed the Ohio River and now occupy my sublet two bedroom condo with a view of the rendering plant. God Bless the USA.
Best advice given to me this summer by a six year old?My youngest nephew Aidan learned how to swim three weeks ago when the swimming instructor told him, "Don't try to breathe underwater anymore." And I thought the Farmer's Almanac had all the answers.
Dumbest thing that a Michigan football coach did this summer?Okay, okay, you all know I am a big Buckeye fan and for the life of me I will never understand why a school with such a great educational background decided to design their football helmet to look like a wing at a school whose mascot is a Wolverine? Um dude, I watch animal planet and Wolverines don't have wings duh? Anyhow, football coach Rich Rodriguez decided in his infinite West Virginia raised wisdom, (Oxymoron huh?) that those football players who don't show enough effort in practice this fall will not be allowed to have the wings applied to their helmets. Um dude part II, usually when a player isn't good enough to play, he just sits on the bench during the game and the fans can figure this out for themselves. BUT NO......you have to parade the ten or twenty players out in front of 110,000 fans so each and every person at the game as well as the millions who be watching on television will know they sucked at practice. Why not cut to the chase and just give them each a sign to hang around their necks that reads, "WE SUCK AT FOOTBALL". I am sure the alumni will love this. Rich Rod, why don't you go over to the toy table and pick up a toy and go sit in the corner and play quietly while the adults talk.
Does your eye sight get worse and things look smaller at 50? Yes, that is why I removed the mirror from the bathroom.
Is sex better at 50? No you should actually have your car parked at the time. Sex at 50 just scares the hell out of the other drivers on the freeway.