My past two weeks.

Since Survivor is on hiatus until the fall, I thought I would update you on my last two weeks and what I have learned. By the way, I wrote CBS a letter and asked them if the people who hide the hidden immunity could possibly in their heart attempt to find a different place to hide the idol besides inside a tree or a hollowed out log which I think is where it has been hidden the last 47 times just sayin'. Printing For the past three years our company has printed four monthly neighborhood magazines which are distributed in the Dublin, Ohio area. Each and every month I put in a request for 100 additional magazines to be printed for samples which are printed in our Des Moines, Iowa office and then sent to me. Last week I received 742 sample copies because, as I was told, "We hired a new girl and this is her first time doing this print run." What did I learn? Never hire new people who can't read emails or count. Cupcakes and Mom My mom sent my sister Julie and I to the store to buy cupcake inserts so she could make cupcakes for my nephew Nick's high school graduation party. The inserts needed to be white because the cupcakes would be the school colors of orange and black and if we bought the multi colored inserts, then the blues, reds and greens would contrast the orange and black of the cupcakes. I asked my mom if she thought the people coming to party wouldn't eat the cupcakes if they were in the multi-color, mismatched inserts. She never answered me. What did I learn? Don't question my mom on such high stress issues like cupcakes. My Nephew My youngest nephew Aidan is eight years old and is the smartest kid under the age of nine that I know. Of course I only know a handful of kids under the age of nine..........Dude is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and is athletic. Anyhow, I asked him to come along with me if I make it onto Survivor and promised him I would buy him a pool if I won. What did Aidan learn? He never agreed on the size of the pool. Next week We will discuss that little bastard who cut me off in traffic and why I won't wear green shoes again.

Afraid the make a move

Very Early in this sseason the guys simply dominated the first six reward/immunity challenges against what appeared to be a overmatched, unorganized women's tribe who couldn't get out of its own way. Then...... well then the tough alpha male tribe who was kicking anyone's ass who was a female.....well they decided to do what every red blooded male would do at this point of a game they are dominating, they changed course and gave the keys to the kingdom to a college aged, gay, republican who managed to offend the asians, the blacks and the little people of the world in the period of about ten minutes. Why? Because I wasn't there to stop it you idiots so don't blame me. Can anyone stop Kim It has been quite apparent that Kim has been the best player all season and the only way she can lose is if she loses immunity in the final four and the the other three vote her out. I am not even sure if they vote her out at that point. Sorry to say but even the women aren't picking up Kim's total domination. It appears that Christina and Alicia want to vote out either Chelsea and Sabrina and vice versa. No one even metions Kim's name in any conversation. How does that happen? Strength-Balance-Memory Cross a balance beam maize to arrive at some cargo netting to pick up some puzzle pieces that will provide with you clues to numbers which will unlock a combination lock. This was one of the better challenges of the year. Alicia who claims to be running the show gets out to a big lead but for some reason begins untying the knots to other players bags of puzzle pieces. For someone who is a school teacher, she didn't pay attention to the directions of Mr. Probst very well. It was at this point my cable lost the picture but I still had sound. It was sort of like listening to Helen Keller or Stevie Wonder perform a challenge. Nothing like blindfolding the audience. Kim wins the challenge. Tribal Council It is very apparent that Alicia and Christina are going to vote for Chelsea and that Sabrina and Chelsea are going to vote for Alicia. Kim is the swing vote and she even talks about taking Alicia and Christina to the final because she feels she can beat them easier. She still has her hidden idol and my question is, will she give it to her bestest bud Chelsea. OH YEAH, Kim makes the comment that she wishes she never showed Chelsea the idol way back when. Well no shit Dick Tracy, nothing good ever happens from showing someone an hidden idol, that's why its called a hidden idol. Once again, none of the women really think they are going home tonight. Alicia gets voted out and her exit speech she says a lot and then basically kicks her bud Christina, "You still suck." I don't get it and haven't gotten the hatred toward Christina all season long. What has she done to deserve that? Back at camp. Chelsea takes her shot at Christina when in a confessional she says it is a joke that Christina is still there. WOW. We will see how this effects things in the future for Chelsea. Fallen Comrades Walk This is usually a big waste of time except for Matt who was voted out third and his comment, "I was the best player." Really? First guy out and you played the best game? Must be a math major. Final Challenge I was very glad that is wasn't one of those let's see who can hold a stick longer. Take a long stick with a handle on the end to pick up clay pots and move them through a metal maize and then stack ten of them on top of one another. The big key was the entire maize contraption was built on top of a spring which moved with a slight touch. I was really hoping Christina would win and she went head to head with Kim who won again. Tribal Council Before and during tribal council Christina who is obviously the odd woman out makes no real effort to gain support and gets voted out. I understand the numbers game being 3 against 1 but for someone who is a salesman, make a pitch. Final Day We wake to see Sabrina sitting on the beach watching the sun come up and find out she was laid off from her job shortly before going on Survivor. That would suck. Final Tribal Chelsea stands up and bascially says she and Kim worked the decisions together to vote out people. Sabrina says she stayed in the background and didn't work hard at challenges because she didn't want to stand out. Kim says she loves this game. Final Council Alicia says she would have won had she made it to the final. Tarzan talked about his wife and that was about it. Kim is voted the winner. Final Analysis A few observations. Even though Colton had to be air lifted out early because he got sick, he changed the course of this game early on. And he made the most honest remark last night, the game got boring after her left. The only person who attempted to really change the course of the game was Troy who laid out the girls strategy and no one listened. Alicia and Colton proved that people can still be assholes. I don't think Chelsea got anyone's vote to win the game basically because she was a little snarky and snooty throughout the game. Kim, well Kim deserved to win because she played hard and she didn't send other people to do her dirty work. An average season topped off by a pretty good reunion show. Alicia cried, Tarzan cried, Colton was Colton and we got to see Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory. Sounds like they are bringing back three former playerspeople who had to leave due illness or injury. Should be good. One last thing it is time once again to apply to Survivor. I will be sending out my latest application tape for your review over Memorial Weekend.

Second Place

"Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it." -Mark Twain Is anybody out there paying attention? Let me clarify that, is anybody who is playing the game paying attention? Kim is hands down the best player this year and no one is picking up on this not even her closests and bestest buddy, "I have played a fair game," Chelsea. I could certainly understand this if all the girls were blonde. (Please send all your responses to that comment in care of: Andy) Day 33 In a private moment Tarzan says the girls should have voted him out. You aren't a threat so that's why they kept you. The biggest threat now is Chelsea he claims. People keep saying he is playing a smart game, more on that stupid comment later. Alicia even says she doesn't think she can beat Kim in the final. For the love of Mary, Jesus, Joseph and the frickin' donkey, does that not send up a red flag for everyone even Chelsea? How many times have we heard that this is an individual game and even if your bestest, blondest, who loves you bunches friend is still in the game, do you really want to play for second place? Apparently that is the case this year. The three amigos It is Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina and they all three think they are going to the final three. Chelsea goes outside the big three to confide in Christina about her feelings toward Kim and of course Christina runs right back to tell Kim and Alicia what Chelsea said and of course Kim runs right back to Chelsea to tell her that Christina just spill the beans about what Chelsea said about Kim. WTF? Are we in high school? By the way Miss Honesty Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Little girl is a little conceited and a lot full of herself. "I am playing an honest." She has no problem gets her hands dirty by voting out people who she didn't lie to directly, however, she hasn't exactly been forthright to those people that others have lied to. She is like the get away driver at a bank robbery, if the others get caught during the bank robbery all she was doing was sitting in a car in a parking lot. Mr. Strategy Tarzan, Tarzan, Tarzan. Really? You are smart in life but a horrible player in Survivor. You are one of those people they kept around for your vote. And why in the world would you come onto Survivor if you had no intentions in trying to win? Pisses me off, you took my place. Okay I'm done. Reward Challenge Running out to three circle discs and having to unwind them by doing the old head agaisnt the bat head and spin in a circle. I got dizzy watching people do this. Then, oh yes, while you are dizzy you have to attempt to put the puzzle pieces together to get a combination of numbers to open a combination lock to release your flag. I would have been throwing up by that point. Chelsea wins and takes who? Oh yeah Kim and Sabrina on a boat cruise which features food and showers. Kim even makes the comment that she doesn't even know when she is lying or telling the truth anymore. Red Flag? No one even paying attention anymore. Back at camp Alicia and Christina are pissed because Chelsea told them if she won she would take them. What is this High School? Sorry, used that already. Tarzan is even pissed for them. Day 36 I even re-watched this part several times this morning when Tarzan said something then Alicia reported back to Kim what he said and then Christina showed up to tell Kim something.......Cut. What is the pattern here folks? Everyone is reporting to Kim. Anybody else seeing this pattern? Hello,,,,,,McFly. Immunity One hand tied behind my back. Take a grappling hook to grab other hooks to grab bags of puzzle pieces which contain pieces to form a human body. The player had to do this with one hand tied to their side. Alicia wins and then Tarzan calls her a bitch for winning which of course he was kidding. Tarzan then tries on Kat's old shirt and puts a pair of her panties on his head. What, are we in high school? Dude took his time to try to strategize getting into the final three, then changes his mind and becomes a total idiot. Alicia then says to the camera that she is in charge of this game. What game would that be Latina Lucy? Final Tribal Council Tarzan says by the grace of God that he is still in the game. I'm not surprised, you have a vote and no one thinks you can win anyhow. Sabrina says Tarzan could be an asset, nice BS job there. Alicia wonders if Chelsea picked the right people to go on reward. Christina points out that Chelsea broke her word to her. (Chelsea reminds me of that girl in school who says nice things to your face and bad things when aren't around, not a good trait) Tarzan is voted out. Sunday The final. Playing for second place.

Kat Fight

I love watching Survivor on the Internet, it provides me with an instant replay if I miss something. Sort of like when my good friend Sherri says, "Did you get the spot out," and I can go back in time and hear "It sure is hot out." Now What? The girls know it is six girls against one guy. Well that is what you would think but what usually happens is Titanticitis. Look it up on Andypedia and you find the defintion of Titaicitis: Is that time upon which each person realizes there are lifeboats but not nearly enough to save everybodies ass. You might also call this 747itis where as the same applies to seven people onboard a plane which only has three parachutes. Adding in that no one still thinks they are going home and that it will be someone else. Day 30 Kim says she feels very confident. Alicia still thinks Christina is dumb and Sabrina isn't worried. Oh yeah, my dad just had a checkup and the doctor says he is doing fine too, just thought I would throw that one in. Sprint Moment There is no crying on Survivor, absolutley not unless of course you run your shin into that coffee table that sits next to the campfire and you grab your leg and then start to gasp for breath and go "UH, AH, shit....ah man......." Fact is these people choose to go halfway around the world and then lose their mind when mom or dad shows up who they haven't seen for 30 days. It ain't like the people on the Titantic who chose to get on the boat, play some shuffle board, eat tea and crumpets on their way to coming to America. Their itinerary really didn't mention anything about HITTING A FRICKIN' ICEBERG so I can see why those people cried. In 23 seasons of Survivor I ain't seen no icebergs as of yet so stop your frickin' crying. It ain't like they are going to put you on a board and let you float in the water and wait for a rescue boat, getting you home is on this itinerary so suck it up Alice. Oh yeah, the challenge was pretty cool and Kat won and pissed off everybody when she chose to take Kim and Alicia. Kiss my butt people, this is Survivor and you lost so no more crying about things. This ain't little kids baseball where everyone gets a trophy for things as simple as putting your shoes on the the correct feet and zipping your zipper up so do me a favor and zip it. Am I on a roll or what? Chelsea even says Kat doesn't deserve to be in the final three. Okay, vote her out then. Challenge Hold onto a rope behind your back while you are perched on a log. Eventually your rope continues go let you down closer to the water. Kim wins out over Kat who won't shake her hand when the game is over. Looks very similar to what Troy did last week. Tribal Council It all centers around Kat which is a pretty good indicator of who people will be voting for. Chelsea points out that Kat always uses her young age as an excuse for her actions which is a good point until Tarzan uses the opposite logic and says it is because of her age that he overlooks her lack of good judgement. Funny how Kat mentions that blindsides are fun.....just before she got blindsided. At this point I won't make fun of her crying at the end but she did have it coming for a few things she said about people during the game. Next Week Who gets the parachutes and who has to learn to fly a plane in five minutes or less.

This is my island.

Dear Andy, You are a week late posting your rant from last week, what happened? Alice Johnson, Apple Creek WI Dear Alice, I have a thing called a job and sometimes I am required to show up to work and do work and don't have time to post. Don't you have a welfare check to cash? Thanks for the kind note and have a super nice day, BAA Bye Andy. Tikiano Day 27 So Troy thinks he is on his own and Alicia joins the women's alliance. Nothing like jumping onto the band wagon which is full of momentum there lady. Tory, well Troy you are on your own. Kim makes a comment about not wanting Troy, Christina and Alicia to get together. I am the same way with my three sisters. One or two in the same room is okay but get all three and to quote Tobey Keith, "The Fit will hit the Sham." Challenge Through the years this challenge is by far the rudest of any. Ask tribe mates questions about each other which brings out bitter and brutal truths. Players should take note of the answers as of way of guaging their chances of winning as afterall, this is a physical AND social game. First up: Who does not deserve to be here. Answer: Christina. Ya know what if you don't want someone in the game, vote them out. Second: Who would you trust with your life. Answer: Kim. Again, this gives shades of exactly what people think of one another in a group setting. She is ahead in this game and yet NO ONE is thinking of voting her out. I wonder if it is because people like her? Third: Who needs a wake up call. Answer: Kat. I called her a blonde a few weeks ago and she ain't dyed her hair yet to prove me wrong. Who is a poser: Troy. Who is lazy: Sabrina. Who would you like to be stranded with: Kim / Again, NO ONE wants her out. Who woule you never want to see again: Troy. I wonder if these people kick new born puppies? We see Troyzan planting a seed in Kat's head that she needs to make a move because she is not in the top four. She seems to be considering it. Wild Pig My God I think this goes down as one of the top five funniest things on Survivor ever. Taking out a rope and trying to catch a pig. One question: What the hell were you going to do with the pig even if you caught it? I think it was Sabrina who said she wanted to cut off one of its leg to make a ham sandwich. Frickin' city people. Immunity Challenge Yes, girls in bikinis soaping up with oil. Dude, they could have been playing Yahtzee or folding laundry and every guy in America wouldn't have cared who won because.............it was girls in bikinis soapin up with oil. Run and slide across a slip and slide ocvered in oil to pick up rings which were then tossed onto a pole. Who won? I don't care it was girls......Oh yeah, Kim won. Toryzan was pissed he didn't win probably more because they didn't allow him to wear a bikini. Comments from the tribe Troy is devestated by his loss. Kat, well the blonde says everybody is running the show. Yeah because you let them run the show. Alicia then trumps even Colton when she says. "I teach special education and I treat Christina like one of my students." Yup, things people say tend to bring out the best in them. Tribal Council Troy knows that he is probably gone but make a great effort to explain to the group and the jury who is running the show which is Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina. Sabrina tries to weasle her way out of explaining that although the girls have six there has been no discussion as to who is ranked number six. Yeah actually you have discussed this but not with number six or number five on the totem pole being around to hear you, most likely Christina and Alicia. Alicia even jumps in and says Christian doesn't deserve to be there. WOW, did I mention the thing about kicking new born puppies? Kim points out that Troy is brilliant which he is, but has no allies. Kat doesn't want to be portrayed as weak. Here's an idea, don't play weak. Troy is voted out in a close vote over Christina. Next Week (Or in this case, last night) Kat Fight.

Everybody is against me

I was hoping somebody would step up to the plate and make this season worth watching again and it happened. Troy and his "Everybody is against me," attitude worked. The everybody is against me attitude usually works until "The everybody beats those who which everybody was against." Did that make sense to everybody?
Day 25
Troy lashes out at Alicia who reminds him that she didn't vote against him last week. Oops dude, everybody wasn't against you afterall. Chelsea tells Troy that it is just a game and to take it like a man the way Jay did last week when he was voted out. And Sabrina tells him to "don't take it personnally." As I have mentioned before many, many times, it is always the guy who is holding the gun that says, "Don't take this personnally," just before he shoots his buddy.
Auction
If I hadn't watched one episode of this season and tuned in just to watch the auction, it would have told me a lot of where people stood in the game simply by watching what items they bid on. You must be a historian of this game to realize each time they do an auction there is always one item being sold which will help a player later in the game and it was announced prior to the game that such an item existed. The player voting on the valuable item usually is hanging on and on the short side of the vote. When Chelsea, Sabrina, Kim and Kat all bid on food items and a shower that was the indicator they think they are in charge in this game.
Troy realized that already. The best part though was Alicia buying a letter from home from her father. My Cardinal Rule #7 states, "As in baseball, there is no crying in Survivor.......except when you get a letter/video/or visit from a loved one." BUT ONLY THEN AND NEVER ANY OTHER TIME....EVER. Troy buys the item which gives him an advantage after a bidding war with Christina. I question why this became a bidding war when Troy knew if he simply bid $ 500.00 that it would be his. Oh yeah, Kat buys a cake that she has to share with everyone and they have 60 seconds to eat it.
Best commercial line of the year
The commercial with the non-athletic guys playing basketball. The one guys says he saves money by, "Having my kids hitchhike to school." Now that's God Damned funny I don't care who you are.
Back at Camp
Troy reads his note from the auction and finds out he gets a free ride into the second stage of the next challenge. He openly starts looking for a hidden immunity idol so Kim attempts to rally the troops to look for the idol as she announces to them, "It is eight against one." Troy's mouth and actions have everyone nervous and Kim says, "If Troy wins the next immunity, that throws everything into Chaos." So why didn't you bid on the valuable item at the auction instead of the food and shower? I think she is getting a little too cocky now.
Challenge
The first four people to untie a huge knot moves on to the second round. Troy gets a free pass so Kim, Tarzan and Chelsea earn their way to meet Troy. The second round is taking coconuts and bouncing them off a trampoline to break targets. Tarzan and Troy move on. Troy then wins immunity by breaking his next set of targets with a slingshot. He taunts the group with "This is my island." Yeah Troy, but you are still out-numbered 8 - 1.
Back at camp
Tarzan approaches Troy and asks him to calm down. Tarzan then goes out into the water to give Leif a sponge bath. I guess that's what plastic surgeons do on vacation? Troy starts working Alicia and Christina to come over to vote with Tarzan, Leif and him. He points out that Sabrina, Kim, Kat and Chelsea are four and that they could have five. I think Alicia is really considering this now.
Tribal Council
Sabrina and Troy go back and forth like they were brothers and sisters, don't get me started on brothers and sisters. The only thing Troy said that was totally stupid was "We are going to vote Kim out." Why would you say that in front of everybody? However, going back to being a historian of this game, this would have been the best time to vote her out as she has a hidden idol. The past has shown us that people who have an idol and get blindsided are usually voted out right about this point of the game. Their ego tells them that no one will vote for them this early. Leif gets voted out but something strange happened here. Sabrina, Kat and Chelsea voted for Leif while their fearless leader Kim voted for Tarzan. Something tells me Kim isn't as secure as you might think.
Next Week.
Troy continues to work his magic and has the ear of both Sabrina and Kat. Sabrina might be the person who knows this game the best. She hasn't said or done anything stupid and realizes Troy doesn't have any friends so he might be a good person to align with and take to the final. She does continue to push him to say dumb things in front of the group then backs off.

Unless..............

Was this predictable or what? Before the show started last night I wrote down one name: Jay.
This season needs a shakeup immediately or it will get even more boring. The girls are now up 6-3 so the next three weeks we will see Troy, Tarzan and Lief voted out unless..............................
Treemail
Treemail arrives and the players are instructed to pull rocks from a bag to determine teams. They play a game of coconut on a string toss. Red teams wins so Kat, Troy, Jay, Alicia and Tarzan get to eat barbeque on an island. Not much suspense.
Depends Commercial
Actress Lisa Rini ( I think that was her name ) is asked to put on a pair of Depends in a commercial which becomes the highlight of the night. Thanks
Day 24
Kim and Chelsea talk about voting out the men. Here in lies the first part of my unless........ comment. Somebody has to do the dirty work on convincing Jay that the girls aren't voting for him. Chelsea says she can't lie to people's faces so Kim takes on the task and tells Jay they won't be voting for him. A fact in Survivor history is the people who usually win this game have someone else do the lying. In this case Kim is in charge but just lost huge points with both Troy and Jay because they know she lied. Chelsea may not like lying or she might just be telling Kim this to make her fellow alliance member look bad. Kim's now a proven liar and this could cause her votes if she makes it to the final and enhance wussy Chelsea's chances. Unless........
Challenge
Hold their hand up in the air the longest. Their hands are of course tethered to a large bucket postioned above their head which will soak them with water if they move.
Jeff starts to tempt the players with food to drop out. Of course all the ladies, who have no threat of being voted out, drop out to eat items such as brownies etc., with the exception of Chelsea. She convices the last guy Leif, to drop his hands for hamburgers. She says this will enhance his chances of not being considered a threat. Chelsea wins. Unless..... Here in lies an idea I have had for a long time. Make a challenge like this a double immunity challenge meaning you get two immunity idols if you win. This would lessen the chance that anyone would drop out and throw another nuance into the game much like Redemption Island did. Keep it not boring.
Pre Council
Troy has finally caught on that the women are coming after the men. He tries to convince Jay of this but he won't listen. Troy shows Jay his idol and tells him to consider the possibility. Of oourse Jay, who is a male model, is fully convinced that no one is voting for him. He relays to Kim that Troy is coming after her.
Tribal Council
Alicia makes the only true point of the night when she says people are behaving differently like wearing baggy clothes and taking their bags to tribal council because they might have an idol or might be going home. Ah, the non-verbal communication is starting to rear its ugly head. Troy plays his idol, Kim gets a vote, Alicia gets two votes and Jay is sent packing.
Next week.
Troy has figured out that the girls are in charge........unless........Unless he can convince Christina and Alicia that they are numbers 5 and 6 of a four person girl alliance. I think he can get Christina but he will have his work cut out for him getting one of the others. The only other option is finding another hidden immunity idol, (which my guess would be in a tree) and using it again.