Admit it, you are board out of your skull because Survivor is on summer hiatus and you don't have my rants to read each week. The only thing you have to do is empty your cat's poop box, clip your toenails and wonder if Coach and Jerri ever hooked up. Oh yeah and before I forget, if anymore of you frickin' city folk livin', starbucks coffee drinkin', ipod usin' twittering fools who call yourselves my friends ever send me another invitation to either join your facebook page or play "Farmville," as God as my witness I will hunt you down and shove an non-imaginary garden rake up your butt. I'll even come back in three days to see if you have any little garden rakes growing out of other orifices of your body and whether or not they are ready to harvest. And speaking of Farmville, I don't have pretend to plant crap around an imaginary farm, drive a fake tractor and make sure the goat gets milked at 5:00 pm sharp. I grew up on a farm and did it live and in person. So before I get to my Facebook rant and since I don't text message poeple I put down an Etch-A-Sketch message for those of you who continue to invite me into your web world. And for those of you who are stupid, please don't attempt to pick up your computer screen and shake it over your head to erase it, this is permanent.
DOUCHE BAGS
Now to facebook. What middle management, wanna be, friendless, 30 something IT guy who can't get a date invented this? Yes earlier last week in between emptying the cat's poop box (which by the way doesn't belong to me) and clipping my toenails I decided to respond to one invitation to facebook. For the love of God I didn't know a third of the World's population would respond. Seriously though I think I got ten invitations from people who wanted me to "Be their friend." The funny part is the emails were from people who ARE MY FRIENDS with the exception of that one girl who I think I saw in a porno once or my sister Julie who by state law in Ohio has to be my friend. And to top this off I have to hit a button "Confirming that you are my friend." WTF is this? The invitations stop now, you have been warned.
NEXT WEEK
My ideas to CBS about incorporating Lawn Jarts and Hula Hoops into challenges and having somebody other than a trained monkey hiding the hidden immunity idols.
Toodles
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Well! Just because you grew up milking chickens and gathering cow eggs at 5am doesn't mean the rest of us did! The closest thing I ever saw to a cow until I was 12 was my neighbors dog! He was a big SOB. So you don't have to play farmville if you don't want to but leave the rest of us alone who enjoy! We all have our little guilty pleasures Mr. Survivor man! And as for people wanting to be your friend on facebook? Well I think it's nice that so many people like you! Maybe it's your sparkling personality that is drawing them in!!!
ReplyDeleteThere I was minding my own business yesterday when out of the blue.....I receive an invitation to be "Drew Fairbanks" friend on Facebook. Hello pot, my name is Kettle!
ReplyDeleteI think someone just needs a big fat hug from an unsheared sheep with lotsa, lotsa fur to cover those cold manparts that probably would benefit from a Farmville animal or two.....
ReplyDeleteThink its funny that you blog (which, by the way, was way popular in the late 90's) and you dog Farmville. Get a twitter account and we can all see how many times you hug a real cow or horse, or pick apples from your orchard in your backyard.
By the way, could fertilize my squash for me next time you're pretending not to be on Facebook?