Okay sports fans Survivor is only a few weeks away so I thought it was time to give a filler story about my new car battery. Yes the battery has been on its last legs since June and last Thursday it finally gave out. Funny how a car battery never gives out when you are at home or at a gas station but rather when you are parked at a parking meter in downtown Columbus at 2:30 pm and your have five minutes left on your meter and one quarter in your pocket which gets you an additional seven and half minutes of taking up a prized parking location. Then you find someone who offers to give you a jump and you find out how impatient people are when you block a street for the two minutes it takes to hook up jumper cables. Jesus H. Christ people, I'm sorry I am holding you up and making you miss that espisode of Judge Judy where the pregnant 17 year old girl is suing her ex-boyfriend/father of her unborn child $ 37.50 to make payment on the cell phone that he used to send naked pictures of himself to her on. Yeah really? I don't know if that was a proper sentence, but you get the drift.
Below is an email I sent to NTB after wasting my Friday afternoon.
Dear NTB,
On Friday August 26. 2011 I called the store at the above location and talked to Gary. I told him I needed to have my battery changed and we setup a time for 2:00 pm that afternoon. (I will let you do some research to find out what type of car I drive and that will tell me if you really care about customer service.) By setting an appoitment he said this would cut down on the wait time etc. I also told him the type of car I drive and he commented the battery would run in the area of about
$ 79.00 before taxes etc. Upon arriving at your location I found that not only had the price jumped to approximately $ 129.00 but that your store had no battery in stock to fit my car. WTF? Really?
I have three questions here:
-) Why did I set the appointment if it wasn't going to save time in the first place.
-) How can you not stock a battery for a customer who set an appointment to do what? Get the battery in their fucking car changed.
-) Why should I ever come to one of your store's again?
I look forward to your canned "We have recieved your comment and appreciate your business," response.
Sincerly,
Customer
Response from NTB
August 257, 2011 (They must have a different calendar)
Reference: #4914536
Dear Customer
Thank you for taking the time to contact NTB. This message is to inform you that we received your recent comments. Your comments will be forwarded to the appropriate field representative(s) for review and follow up. We take customer feedback very seriously and would be happy to discuss your experience with you. If you have not been contacted within 2 business days and your issue remains unresolved, please feel free to contact us directly at (561) 383-3051 or if you prefer, you can send a follow up email to Customerservice@tirekingdom.com. Your reference # is 4914536. We appreciate your business and look forward to helping you with all your automotive needs.
Thank you,
Consumer Relations
My response
August 258, 2011 (God this has been a long month)
Reference #5477 69 2888
Dear corporate customer service person,
This is to inform you that I have received your email telling me that you have received my email inquiry about your company.
First of all, I really appreciate the canned corporate non-personnel response that you sent below. It warms my heart that you personalized it with a "Dear Customer," introduction. You must have spent many hours and thousands of dollars authoring that response, great corporate job and please give some bonus money to the middle management suck up who wrote it.
Two quick questions for you to determine if anyone from your offices really reads the emails that are sent in or do they simply hit the canned response keys in between sending text messages, picking their noses and reading the adventures of The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Suess. If memory serves there are a lot of coloful pictures in that book so I can see how it would be distracting to actually pick up a phone and take care of your paying customers. On to the questions.
-) What kind of car do I drive? Still waiting for this answer.
-) What word did I mis-spell twice in my initial email?
-) And just for funsies I wanted to know if your company was tied in with the U.S. Government as it usually takes them about three days to respond or even fill in a pot hole.
If I don't receive a response within two business days I will take it Buffy in customer service just broke up with her boyfriend, has taken away his ability to post on her facebook page and just found another pimple on her nose..I would say let's setup a time to talk on the phone but similar to not having actual car batteries in your store, you would probably agree to this and then have to call NAPA to deliver a phone to your office..
Thanks
Sincerely,
Customer
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Where's my shit man?
Okay I know it's still about a month and a half until Survivor starts, but it's high time to get warmed up with a recent story.
How is it with the advent of bar coding and scanning packages that UPS can simply lose a box? Someone please explain that to me. Tuesday I sent out three boxes addressed to the same location and only two of the boxes made it to the destination. I could be wrong but I can go onto the UPS website and find out exactly where my boxes are, based on the bar code scanning. How do you lose a box? I have watched people from UPS load boxes onto and off of their trucks and with each entry and departure they scan the box. That's what the frickin' system is for, tracing boxes. Doesn't logic say if you have 50 boxes on your truck, you should have 50 scans when you deliver? I even asked the dispatcher to check the bar code records of the driver who was supposed to deliver the package, take some responsibility here. Their answer to me was, "We have searched all our facilities and can find no box." Why don't you ask the frickin' driver Einstein, if no one signed for the package then he didn't deliver it. This brings me to my conclusion that UPS employees should not have kids. Can you imagine two UPS parents loading their three kids into the car on Thanksgiving to visit the grandparents and arriving with only two kids? Grandma and Grandpa come out and ask, "Where's Julie?" The UPS workers search the car and say, "Well we have looked everywhere and can't find her. Boy that turkey smells good, who's hungry?"
Next Week: How licking postal stamps can help you lose weight.
How is it with the advent of bar coding and scanning packages that UPS can simply lose a box? Someone please explain that to me. Tuesday I sent out three boxes addressed to the same location and only two of the boxes made it to the destination. I could be wrong but I can go onto the UPS website and find out exactly where my boxes are, based on the bar code scanning. How do you lose a box? I have watched people from UPS load boxes onto and off of their trucks and with each entry and departure they scan the box. That's what the frickin' system is for, tracing boxes. Doesn't logic say if you have 50 boxes on your truck, you should have 50 scans when you deliver? I even asked the dispatcher to check the bar code records of the driver who was supposed to deliver the package, take some responsibility here. Their answer to me was, "We have searched all our facilities and can find no box." Why don't you ask the frickin' driver Einstein, if no one signed for the package then he didn't deliver it. This brings me to my conclusion that UPS employees should not have kids. Can you imagine two UPS parents loading their three kids into the car on Thanksgiving to visit the grandparents and arriving with only two kids? Grandma and Grandpa come out and ask, "Where's Julie?" The UPS workers search the car and say, "Well we have looked everywhere and can't find her. Boy that turkey smells good, who's hungry?"
Next Week: How licking postal stamps can help you lose weight.
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