Cookies and Booby Traps

Ah yes, week two and paranoia is already setting in, that usually doesn't happen until week four or five so this crew is way ahead of the norm. Matsing Night 3 (Paranoia Part 1) Russell tells us he was on the chopping block last week and needs to back off on the leadership role. Bueaty queen Angie and Bartender Malcolm are both cold during the night and cuddle with each other. (By the way Angie helped me write this post and spell checked her work on her car's GPS unit............yeah. Do I need to say more?) Back to Malcolm and Angie. A hunky bartender and a beauty pagent queen hooking up, what are the odds on that? Meanwhile, God's number 1 Survivor disciple Roxy notices this sinful behavior. "We have to get rid of one of them." Cue the side music, "Dun, Dun, Dun." Tandang Day 4 (Paranoia Part 2) Banker RC finds a clue to the hidden immunity idol in the rice. RC shares this information with her best bud Latina born Abi and they dance and hug and do the things that Malcolm and Angie were doing, but I guess since it's two hot girls in bikinis on a beach hugging and touching, THATS ACCEPTABLE. Who am I to judge. RC then is seen talking to Mike and afterward best bud Abi confronts RC about this conversation and tells her, "You were talking to Mike a long time and don't *&^% with me." See, I just proved my point, Mike wasn't wearing a bikini so he isn't allowed to talk with someone wearing a bikini, I am so smart. Kalabaw Day 4 It rains and rains so the tribe moves to a cave in an effort to keep dry. Oh wait a minute, Jonathon Penner stays behind at camp. This tribe may be the strongest but here's the thing, and here comes my, "Have they ever watched a single episode of Survivor....." they are leaving a three time player behind at camp by himself after they have said, "We think he is looking for the idol." So why would you allow this guy to be by himself which would what? Allow him to look for the idol. Of course he finds the idol which, by the way wasn't in a tree. I will give the producers credit for where it was hidden this time, right out in the open where anyone could have found it. Here's the problem that Jonathon has now, he has bonded with no one. Granted he found the idol but that saves him for one day. Matsing Day 5 Roxy tells Russell and Denise about the whole Malcolm and Angie thing. Here's my two cents about doing this. It is a good thing to provide this information about others but....and this is a big but....you need to be very good at the game playing side including challenges if you do this............Unfortunately for Roxy Denise takes notice of here antics. Denise is a very smart player (to remind she is the sex therapist, I will remind you of that often) she is a very smart player and has aligned herself with both Russell and Malcolm. I know it is early in this game bit a tribe who is down early in this game and loses challenges often times form a strong bond when weaker players aren't there to drag them down. Tandang Day 5 Lisa is having a hard time because as she says, "I am an introvert." A message here from the Survivor Emergency Broadcast System, "Attention future players, if you want to do well in this game, don't be introverted." Thank you. Then we get special bonus coverage for a "Survivor Breakdown," moment, complete with subtitles. Honest to God, Survivor now think, we the fans, don't know when someone is breaking down. Yes, we have reached Nirvana. I am talking about the Nirvana of inner peace and not the rock band headed by Kurt Cobain who died of a cocain overdose. I had to clear that up. Anyhow, the tribe thinks Lisa can't be trusted as whe always goes out by herself. I actually feel sorry for her to a point but then again I go back to my most repeated quote, "Have you never watched a single episode of Survivor." What part of the game did you think was going to be easy? Matsing Day 6 Roxy's turn to breakdown because of all the rain. Then the sun comes out and Roxy is seen lying on the beach praying. I will say this about this game, when they say no privacy, they are right. Denise makes the most obvious comment, "People need to dig deep to play this game." Challenge Each team will have two players drag a sled over the sand to pick up heavy puzzle pieces and return to the puzzle table to put together three puzzles. Roxy tells her team that she "Hasn't been drinking much water so she is weak." Really? Play the game and shut up. One of my cardinal rules, "Never show weakness and never tell others you can't do something." Go out and suck at a challenge but when you tell people you suck, you just re-inforced what they already knew. Tandang wins and gets a tarp, blankets and pillows. Kalabaw is second and gets a tarp which of course means Matsing is sending someone homem Matsing Pre-Council Talk centers around either Angie or Roxy. Angie and Malcolm are too close per what Roxy continues to say. Malcolm points out in a confessional that he is probably getting to close to Angie, but she is attractive. He also points out that Roxy does nothing around camp. Cue the music again, "Dun, dun, dun." Tribal Council Russell is emotional because he doesn't like losing. Denise says they are in a stage of accusing each other, but that happens when you lose. Roxy, oh dear Roxy, when Jeff asks her the question, "If you could change anything around camp, what would it be." Her answer is, "We have too much energy at camp and people are always getting wood or water. We need to rest more." Coming fron someone who doesn't work very hard, yeah, not the right thing to say. However, when Jeff asks Angie the same question her reply is, "We need cookies." As God as my witness I sat up in my chair and one second before Jeff said, "Really?", I said the same thing. At that point the looks on everyone faces was the same, "Really." I do attribute this to her age, but "Cookies." Roxy then calls out Malcolm and Angie for their relationship and says, "She is setting up a booby trap." Nice one. Roxy apologizies for the reference but she knew what she was saying. Roxy then tells the group, "Good luck if you pick her over me." Surprise, surprise, boobs win out over God and Roxy is sent packing. In hind sight I think they voted the right person out because quite simply Roxy sucked at challenges, didn't do much at camp and was a negative person. Angie ain't smart but having someone on your team who isn't smart in this game means a vote in your favor and of course she's not very smart which increases your odds of winning. Also, you don't want two people in your alliance who hate each other. Next Week Lise is cautiously optimistic and Skupin might be on the chopping block.

Sum-Bitch

The start of a new Survivor season brings a smile to my face and tones of “I told you so,” to my voice. 3 of the 18 players on this season’s version of Survivor are returning players who sustained injuries in previous season. Within the first two days of this season, 2 of these 3 players have not developed a good relationship with their tribes which is never a good sign. Then we have a former major league baseball player with 17 years of baseball experience, injures his knee three minutes into the game, yes I said three minutes into the game. Finally we have a former children’s television star who has seen every episode, is a big fan, but is seen crying in next week’s preview wondering aloud if she has was it takes to continue. Yes folks, its Survivor season once again. Boat Entrance Jeff is seen entering this season driving his mom and dad’s new speed boat, hopefully he asked them if he could borrow it. He docks up next to a larger boat which has 15 new contestants who are not allowed to talk to one another until Jeff says so. Two of the contestants provide their thoughts, “Hope there are no past players nor any celebrities playing.” For those of you playing along at home, that is called foreshadowing, research it, study it and be ready to recite it. Next we see another boat show up with three former players who were injured in previous seasons. Jeff then says the three teams have 60 seconds to unload everything they can from the boat and load them onto their prospective rafts for immediate launch. Sort of like the divorce decree, thanks for playing, hugs and kisses now get your shit and get out. Matsing Tribe Returning player Russell tells everyone in his tribe that he doesn’t want to be the leader of the tribe and then starts telling everyone what to do. Angie tells us she is a former Miss teen Utah and that Russell is bossy. Malcolm lived in Micronesia for a year (This ain’t your mom’s Micronesia dude) and Zane has a tattoo of Frankenstein on his arm. WTF? He dropped out of school at 17 because “you don’t make money going to school.” What great logic, why did I go to school at all. He retreads tires now. (Oh yeah, that’s why) Denise is a sex therapist. I am wondering, if I get hurt having sex is she who I go to, to get healed? I wonder what the rehab would be like? You thought the same thing. Zane tells everyone he has an alliance with everyone. DUH? Why? Kalabaw Tribe Returning player Jonathon Penner shakes hands, kisses babies and then starts looking for the hidden immunity idol which isn’t a bad thing unless of course, everyone knows you are looking for the idol which of course happens. Dana picks up on this and wants him gone now. Sarah says she knows who Jeff Kent is on team and that he played major league baseball….uh oh….somebody knows him. Tandong Tribe Returning player Michael Skupin makes friends immediately. KC who is a banker says she is ready for anything because she can hail a taxi in her high heels. I can chew gum, walk and talk at the same time but you don’t me bragging about that. Michael then does something smart, on the sly he goes up to former childhood tv star Lise Welchel and tells her he knows who she is. Doesn’t make a big deal of it but points its out. Abi starts playing the flirting girl when she asks hunk Pete to cut a piece of wood for her. RC points out that Lisa can’t be trusted. I will point out here that you should read RC’s profile on Survivor Fever, thinks an awful lot of herself. Matsing Tribe Russel finds a clue in the rice for the hidden immunity idol. Zane sees Russell reading something and tells everyone in the tribe. Everyone now thinks Russell has an idol. Immunity Step one is to have two tribe mates run up a cargo net and release the paddles for a boat. The next two will row out and untie a large box containing puzzle pieces and bring it back to shore. The third two-some will put the puzzle together. Russell again pisses off his tribe mates when he assigns Roxanne and Angie to do the puzzle even though they both say they are lousy at puzzles. Guess what, their tribe loses, imagine that. Dumbest Idea Part Two Thinking back to last season when the men’s tribe gave um immunity after winning the challenge, I thought that was dumb. This move from Zane was even dumber. Dude goes back to camp and tells everyone to vote for him because he lost the challenge and he is a hinderance. He then goes off camera and says this could be the best idea ever, “telling everyone to vote for me so everyone won’t vote for me.” I am going to re-type that part slowly so you can re-read it slowly. Zane tells people to vote him off the island because he doesn’t want them to vote for him. Getting back to his Frankenstein Tatoo for a moment do you realize if you add the letter “I” to Frankenstein you get Frank Einstein, to steal a phrase from that one beer commercial, “Brilliant.” Anyhow he gets voted out which for a dumbass should be expected. Oh his way out you hear him mumble “Sum-Bitch.” The tribe voted correctly in keeping Russell who is strong, vs Zane, who, I am not sure how to describe that guy other than wild card. Next Week Our television star cries and a storm hits.