Sum-Bitch

The start of a new Survivor season brings a smile to my face and tones of “I told you so,” to my voice. 3 of the 18 players on this season’s version of Survivor are returning players who sustained injuries in previous season. Within the first two days of this season, 2 of these 3 players have not developed a good relationship with their tribes which is never a good sign. Then we have a former major league baseball player with 17 years of baseball experience, injures his knee three minutes into the game, yes I said three minutes into the game. Finally we have a former children’s television star who has seen every episode, is a big fan, but is seen crying in next week’s preview wondering aloud if she has was it takes to continue. Yes folks, its Survivor season once again. Boat Entrance Jeff is seen entering this season driving his mom and dad’s new speed boat, hopefully he asked them if he could borrow it. He docks up next to a larger boat which has 15 new contestants who are not allowed to talk to one another until Jeff says so. Two of the contestants provide their thoughts, “Hope there are no past players nor any celebrities playing.” For those of you playing along at home, that is called foreshadowing, research it, study it and be ready to recite it. Next we see another boat show up with three former players who were injured in previous seasons. Jeff then says the three teams have 60 seconds to unload everything they can from the boat and load them onto their prospective rafts for immediate launch. Sort of like the divorce decree, thanks for playing, hugs and kisses now get your shit and get out. Matsing Tribe Returning player Russell tells everyone in his tribe that he doesn’t want to be the leader of the tribe and then starts telling everyone what to do. Angie tells us she is a former Miss teen Utah and that Russell is bossy. Malcolm lived in Micronesia for a year (This ain’t your mom’s Micronesia dude) and Zane has a tattoo of Frankenstein on his arm. WTF? He dropped out of school at 17 because “you don’t make money going to school.” What great logic, why did I go to school at all. He retreads tires now. (Oh yeah, that’s why) Denise is a sex therapist. I am wondering, if I get hurt having sex is she who I go to, to get healed? I wonder what the rehab would be like? You thought the same thing. Zane tells everyone he has an alliance with everyone. DUH? Why? Kalabaw Tribe Returning player Jonathon Penner shakes hands, kisses babies and then starts looking for the hidden immunity idol which isn’t a bad thing unless of course, everyone knows you are looking for the idol which of course happens. Dana picks up on this and wants him gone now. Sarah says she knows who Jeff Kent is on team and that he played major league baseball….uh oh….somebody knows him. Tandong Tribe Returning player Michael Skupin makes friends immediately. KC who is a banker says she is ready for anything because she can hail a taxi in her high heels. I can chew gum, walk and talk at the same time but you don’t me bragging about that. Michael then does something smart, on the sly he goes up to former childhood tv star Lise Welchel and tells her he knows who she is. Doesn’t make a big deal of it but points its out. Abi starts playing the flirting girl when she asks hunk Pete to cut a piece of wood for her. RC points out that Lisa can’t be trusted. I will point out here that you should read RC’s profile on Survivor Fever, thinks an awful lot of herself. Matsing Tribe Russel finds a clue in the rice for the hidden immunity idol. Zane sees Russell reading something and tells everyone in the tribe. Everyone now thinks Russell has an idol. Immunity Step one is to have two tribe mates run up a cargo net and release the paddles for a boat. The next two will row out and untie a large box containing puzzle pieces and bring it back to shore. The third two-some will put the puzzle together. Russell again pisses off his tribe mates when he assigns Roxanne and Angie to do the puzzle even though they both say they are lousy at puzzles. Guess what, their tribe loses, imagine that. Dumbest Idea Part Two Thinking back to last season when the men’s tribe gave um immunity after winning the challenge, I thought that was dumb. This move from Zane was even dumber. Dude goes back to camp and tells everyone to vote for him because he lost the challenge and he is a hinderance. He then goes off camera and says this could be the best idea ever, “telling everyone to vote for me so everyone won’t vote for me.” I am going to re-type that part slowly so you can re-read it slowly. Zane tells people to vote him off the island because he doesn’t want them to vote for him. Getting back to his Frankenstein Tatoo for a moment do you realize if you add the letter “I” to Frankenstein you get Frank Einstein, to steal a phrase from that one beer commercial, “Brilliant.” Anyhow he gets voted out which for a dumbass should be expected. Oh his way out you hear him mumble “Sum-Bitch.” The tribe voted correctly in keeping Russell who is strong, vs Zane, who, I am not sure how to describe that guy other than wild card. Next Week Our television star cries and a storm hits.