A hug and an intervention

A hug and an intervention Shamaar comes back to camp after the vote and explodes at almost everyone. Five days into this game and this guys’ act is getting old. I don’t think in the long history of Survivor that there has ever been a player in more need of a hug and an intervention then this guy. Calm down please. Reynold also announces to the group that they aren’t friends but they need him to win. I actually came into work this morning and re-watched the opening five minutes of last night show two times and finally remembered that old line from Forrest Gump, “Stupid is and stupid does.” Two guys who basically came out in front of everyone and said, “vote me out.” Gota Day 6 Reynold and Eddie know they are on the short end of the stick. Meanwhile mother hen Sherri is playing peace maker with Shamaar. Sherri owns a few fast food restaurants and said she knows how to handle the “Snotty Kids.” I wonder if any of those snotty kid employees watched the show last night? Funny how Shamaar calms down whenever he is around Sherri. Shamaar tells us he isn’t long for this game but then according to Reynold he plays the un-hero when he decides to un-quit. Shamaar also doesn’t want to be the angry black guy anymore. Bikal Day 6 54 year old Philip is very happy to being playing Survivor again and regales of his toiling on the basketball court against kids half his age. I am Larry Bird. No your not, Larry Bird was a slow white guy with a good jump shot and a bad back. You just walk around pretending a super hero in red underwear. Malcolm and Corrine go out and find an idol hidden where? Anybody? Buehler? Yes of course, it was hidden in a tree. Of course Malcolm comments, “Game, Set, Match.” Dude, never say that out loud. In fact Andrea is already making plans to get rid of your buddy Corrine, Speaking of Corrine, this has to be her nicer twin sister playing this time around. Last time she on Survivor I wanted to blindside her with a two-by-four to the back of her head. What a frickin’ bitch she was, didn’t like anybody. Maybe, just maybe somebody gave her a hug and an intervention. Cochran loves the Wednesday at 8:00 pm Survivor time and he is now living it everyday. Brandon mentions that if people lie to him he will pee in the beans and rice. Note ot self: If I ever get picked to play Survivor and Brandon is on my team, I will either hide the beans and rice or never eat them if he cooks them. Challenge Great challenge. Everybody swims out to a sharked caged area made of bamboo. They all must climb over the wall to get inside the cage which appears to sit in about six or seven feet of water. They must un-tie under water knots which secure two sets of doors and then pull a heavy chest to shore. They must then move this chest to a wood plank bridge and pull the chest across it. They also must use a treble hook to toss across two open areas and hook the drawbridge planks to fill in the two holes. From all looks and efforts each chest needed nine people to move it. The Favorites beat the Fans easily. They also win a tarp, a couple of chairs, pillows, blankets, a radar detector, A Sham Wow Rag, and a year’s supply of Rice O’ Roni. (Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.) Gota Day 7 Shamaar and Reynold start arguing about the goggles that Shamaar wanted during the challenge as he needed the goggles because he has contacts but Reynold wouldn’t give them to him. For the love of God they are a pair of goggles, people can go underwater without goggles, close your eyes. Mike, Matt, Shamaar, Sherri, Laura and Julia will split their vote, the guys voting for Eddie and the girls for Hope. Of course Julia runs to Reynold and Eddie and tells them the plan and that she wants to get rid of Shamaar and can get Laura to come on board. Dumbass move # 874 in the history of Survivor. You are a player in a group of six going to a group of three and telling them the plan? Why? Take your place and hold it now, nobody wants you gone. Paranoia is a terrible personality trait to have in Survivor and Laura has it. It has been proven through the years that if you continue to ask if people they are voting for you then you are in effect doing is asking people to vote for you. Shut the hell up girl. Reynold of course puts the horse before the cart when he thinks Shamaar is going home and says “This will be an epic tribal council.” No, no it won’t dude. Tribal Council Reynold begins by telling us that Shamaar lost it at camp after last tribal council because some people voted for him. We next find out that Shamaar has banned both Reynold and Eddie from talking to him. Hope is 99% sure she is going home. Matt points out that Shamaar gets upset easily. No shit Dick Tracy, stating the obvious. Julia says Shamaar is weak. The vote is taken and it Shamaar, Eddie and Hope all get three votes. A re-vote is taken where Shamaar, Eddie and Hope aren’t allowed to vote and Hope is sent packing. What did we learn? On the fans side of the fence Sherri appears to be the front runner. She fits the mold of past winners Tina and Denise, motherly, doesn’t get rattled, calms people down and doesn’t come across as a threat. People seek her out to talk. On the fans side I would say Andrea and Malcolm. Andrea is playing this game like she did before and if she learned anything, she doesn’t want to play it too hard. Next week Hurricanes and Rats

Never Hide an Idol in Your Pants

Bikal Night 3 So we start off night 3 with Brandon laying into Dawn about voting off Francesca. “She is one of the nicest people ever……..” yadda, yadda, yadda. Making enemies this early in the game is never good. Dawn goes off the cry. I will give everyone a minute to collect themselves……………….there you go, wipe your tears and blow your nose its time to get moving folks. Gota Day 4 We see Shamar, the marine guy who used to serve our country, work out on beaches and carry a gun, do what he always does and that is sit around and watch everyone else work. He is conserving his energy for his afternoon nap. Sherri talks to Shamar about being in her six person vs. the breakfast club, how is my hair looking, we are cooler than you are group of four. Shamar hugs her and thanks her. Dude you just don’t get it, Sherri is very smart and only wants to bring you along because you are registered to cast a vote in Survivorville and you help to keep them in the majority. Back at Bikal Brandon, Cochran and Philip are talking about their alliance and Brandon agrees with everything that Philip is saying. Brandon then runs back to main camp to tell Brenda, Corrine, Eric and Dawn that Philip is in indeed crazy. Yes Brandon we watched a few years ago when Philip was on previously, nut job #1 is in indeed. However, you are becoming that kid who gets beat up on the playground because you tell on people. Now go over there and sit down and shut up. We’ll come get you when we need the gum scraped off the bottom of the study hall desks. Immunity Cool task. Three people get on a raft the three people get pulled by a rope tied to a pulley which is attached to an anchored raft in the bay. The three on the raft then dive into the water to release seven life savers rings and return to shore to play toss across. Evidently the newbies sent three girls out who have never been in the water in their life because none of them do a very good job of going underwater. The veteran end up winning three to one and win immunity and fishing gear. Gota Tribe Meeting Upon returning to camp Reynold immediately calls out Shamar for doing nothing around camp. Survivor fans, here are two clear cut examples of how not to win Survivor. Number 1, don’t do anything around camp. People don’t have to be told you are lazy because unless they are Helen Keller or Stevie Wonder, they can see you are lazy. Number 2 example, not knowing your standing your game. Reynold has no clue that he is in the minority and then calls out someone who is in the majority in front of everyone. Yes folks this how you lose the game. I want to thank both Reynold and Shamar for demonstrating these examples. Is that an idol in your pocket? The group of six talks about voting out Allie out who is very close to Reynold. If you remember Reynold and Allie were snuggling the first night which isn’t against the rules but when people see you snuggling they make assumptions, you get your picture posted on TMZ, Taylor Swift writes another song about you and things go to hell in a hand basket very quickly. Matt might have opened his mouth too much as when he was standing talking to Sherri, Mike and Laura, he openly says, “I have a choice to make, I can vote with them or with you.” OMG? Dude really. You should have just put a sign up saying, “I am an undecided voter.” and hang up for all to see. The group of four talks about getting rid of Shamar because, well because Shamar is lazy and has a bad attitude. FYI, I just mentioned in the previous paragraph, I don’t think Reynold has much self awareness. Here is example #2. He goes out and does a great thing and finds a hidden immunity idol without the benefit of a clue. (And yes it was in a tree. What are the odds?) However, Reynold must be part blonde,,,,,standing out in the middle of a clearing, he pulls his pants up and attempts to hide the bulge in his pants which is of course an idol. No folks, he doesn’t do this in the middle of the trees or in a secluded area, but right out in the open where Laura happens to be sitting and sees his bulge. Laura being Laura she notices the bulge and realizes it must be an idol. The timing benefitted Reynold because everyone was leaving for Tribal Council so she had no time tell anyone in her alliance of six. Tribal Council They should just bring Dr. Phil into tribal council anymore because it has become a bitch fest. Shamar basically says Reynold is mad at him because his alliance only has four people to his six. Shamar is correct but as in Reynold’s situation, Shamar should check his standing as he is number six in a six person alliance which ain’t the place to be my friend. Michael points out that we didn’t have much strategy in the challenge and Shamar says, “No ones listens to me.” You need to earn some respect first. Laura then steps up and says she saw someone with a bulge in their pants but won’t call them out in front of everyone. Reynold take out his idol and tells everyone he plans to play it tonight. Yeah, I don’t believe that one for a minute. Shamar gets the first four votes and then Allie is voted out with six votes. What did we learn tonight? Be very aware of where you stand in this game at all times and most importantly, six is greater than four and you can ask my first grade teacher Mrs. Head. Next Week Shamar goes ballistic because people voted for him. Self Awareness my friend, self awareness.

Old vs. New 2.0 - You can't help being yourself.

Old vs. New 2.0 – You can’t help being yourself Ah yes life is whole again. Since we last talked, the ground hog said spring would arrive early and Mother Nature said, “Not so much,” and dumped two feet of snow in the northeast to prove the point that you should rush a woman. We are all taking a peak over the fiscal cliff, Taylor Swift apparently wrote another song about another ex-boyfriend and yes folks, Survivor is back on once again, life as we know it is whole once again. Day One The ten newbie’s arrive by boat and of course because of Survivor Rule #1 Sub-section 14b, there is absolutely no talking to other players until Jeff Probst says so. They all get off the huge row boat and walk to shore. They are told other players are going to arrive and two helicopters arrive with ten former players. Groans arise as the last player off the helicopter is former CIA or FBI counter terrorist, God fearing, flag waving Philip. Yes Philip the six foot four, intimidating black man who wears pink underwear and light blue tennis shoes. If you don’t believe me go rewind your DVR. Challenge The teams get about one minute to take a breath when Jeff announces the first challenge which is basically “Capture the Flag.” The teams send out two players to grab a large sized floatation device which they then attempt to maneuver to their flag pole. As in past years you are all but guaranteed to see at least one butt exposed and a breast or two fall out during the challenge. The Oldies win this one by a four to one count and get flint, the power of fire as reward along with 20 pounds of beans. Before we go one more step, I am going to guess that within the 20 pound container of beans there is either an hidden immunity idol –OR- a clue to where the idol is. Just sayin’. Newbie’s Camp (Gota) Marine Shamar sits around and tells us he thinks it is more important to make fire instead of building a shelter. Again, he does this while everyone else is working and he is sitting on his butt. Sometimes people can’t help but be themselves. Of course Shamar pisses people off and then turns around and makes a first by rubbing two bamboo sticks together with the help of another tribe mate. Goat to hero in about five minutes. I think this guy isn’t going to last long in this game because of his attitude. Oldies (Bikal) Philip models his latest pink underwear. Francesca and Philip played in the same season previously and they still don’t like one another. Oh yeah, Francesca was voted out first the last time she played. Dawn is already setting an alliance with Cochran, Andrea and Francesca. Philip is setting up alliances with everyone, with the exception of Francesca. He wants everyone to believe that the alliance ideas are everyone else’s idea and he is just a messenger. Actually if he can pull that one off, it is a pretty sound strategy. He is going to the “Undercover Brother.” Of course Philip can’t help being Philip when he asks Erik if he wants to be in their alliance but then adds, “I have the numbers so even if you aren’t in it doesn’t matter.” There’s the Philip we have come to know and not like very much. Francesca tells us if she gets voted off first again, she will eat a rock. Gota Reynold likes Allie and Allie like Reynold. DAH? Hope and Eddie are alone and start talking. Eddie says, “We are the two best looking people out here.” To steal from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, today’s word boys and girls is: Vanity. His luxury item is probably a mirror. That night while everyone was sleeping Laura notices that Reynold and Allie are cuddling quite a lot. Oh no Mr. Bill, one of the cardinal rules of Survivor being broken on night. Never, ever cuddle too much. The next day we see Reynold, Allie, Hope and Eddie taking a soak together. “It is just like high school, we are the cool kids.” Pardon me a moment while I put my tongue down my throat. There, I’m better now. Evidently the cool kids flunked math because they have four and the rest of the tribe is six. Keep up you attitude and the cool kids we soon be in the “Loser Lodge.” Immunity Challenge Survivor producers built a four story tall tower with stairs and fire poles. Very cool The point being each team will race players up the stairs to throw crates from a window and then slide back down the fire poles. Another player will then play toss across with bean bags that were contained within the crates attempting to land them in assorted holes on a board. The newbie’s come from behind to win. I am guessing this tower will come into play in future challenges. Bikal Paranoia is running rampant at camp as first Philip’s name, then Andrea’s name and finally Francesa’s name are all being discussed. The thing is most amazing is Corrine was actually being nice to all of people, Cochran. Tribal Council Brandon says this is a tribe of all chiefs and no Indians. Francesca and Philip revisit their feud from years ago. Cochran points out that people needs to watch what they say because lately, votes get changed at tribal council. For the second time in her short illustrious Survivor career, Francesca is voted out first once again. That means she has played this game and been voted out on day three both times. She probably spent more time traveling to and from the game itself than actually playing. She is the new Buffalo Bills of Survivor. For those of you who don’t know football history, the Buffalo Bills once went to four consecutive Super Bowl’s football and lost all four times. Sucks to be her today.