Worst player on a tribe that sucks

Bikal Night 16 – Post Tribal Council Julia says she almost peed herself at tribal council that night because she thought she was going home. Sounds like someone needs a pair of Depends. Mike said his now voted out tribe-mate Matt was his guy. Sounds like a funeral. Corrine is talking to Mike about getting rid of Philip. Philip notices that Corrine is talking to Mike and doesn’t like it. Cochran notices that Philip doesn’t like Corrine talking to Mike. Sounds like an episode of “Housewives of Survivor.” Whenever it happens Corrine vs. Philip is going to be a good fight, can’t wait. Bikal Day 17 Treemail comes and it makes reference to the strong beating the weak. Philip then tells everyone in camp if it involves strength he will carry the carry day. The only thing missing during his speech was a flowing cape flapping in the wind and the sound of horns blaring in the background. Reward Challenge Team members are clipped together to an adjoining rope and are to make their way around the race track attempting to catch the other team which started on the other side of the oval shaped race track, which by the way is situated in the water. Oh yes, each tribe member is carrying a twenty pound bag of sand as well. The idea is simple, catch the other team. Gota wins easily making it look like an Olympic sprinter on steroids competing against Betty White. For those of you who don’t know it, Betty White is a 90 year old actress. Very funny, very nice but she would suck at this challenge. Bikal Camp (Losers Camp) Philip mentions that he didn’t want to go to tribal council again and realizes they haven’t had the immunity challenge as of yet. Philip then talks to Julia about his Stealth-R-Us plans and makes mention of her being a double agent but warns her not to say anything to anybody. Of course Julia’s definition of don’t say anything to anybody means tell Dawn something five minutes after you were told not to say anything. Dawn then reports back to Philip what Julia said. Talk about summer camp for kids. Dawn is playing the same role she did when she played before, the dutiful tattletale. Gota Tribe Reynold and Malcolm are bonding and Reynold lets Malcolm know that he has an idol. Malcolm then confesses to the home viewers that he has an idol and knows who has the other idol and that he is now in control of the game with Eddie, Reynold and Erik making them the Four Alpha Males. I believe I have heard the infamous words, “I am in control of this game,” many, many times before from people who didn’t end up winning the game. Immunity Challenge The teams will send three players in a canoe out in the water to dock at a raft. The three will then dive into the water to release an anchored statue and bring it back to shore. The statue is placed onto a man made elevator which is locked down with five locks. Then someone will retrieve five keys by throwing a grappling hook and retrieving them. The keys will be used to release five locks which will allow the statue to move upward to the top its pedestal. Gota again wins easily. Bikal Camp Philip whispers to Cochran that he wasn’t trying very hard at the challenge because he wanted to vote out either Mike or Julia. Oh yeah the old, “I wasn’t trying very hard,” speech. Dude just admit it, you have been sucking at challenges. Maybe he needs to eat a Snickers. Cochran isn’t buying that story either. Corrine wants Philip gone but thinks this is too early to get rid of one of the people in her old fan base. Tribal Council Mike says morale in down. REALLY? Your tribe lost another challenge that wasn’t even close and you think morale is down? Corrine says there is tension with the 4 members of the Favorites in camp. Philip says he and Corrine don’t always see eye to eye. This is Tribal Council it is “Council of Cliches.” The reason this tribe is doing bad is they have no real leader, someone needs to say it. The first vote ends in tie with three for Mike and three for Julia. That means a re-vote in which Mike and Julia don’t vote and unfortunately for Julia she is basically voted out as worst player on a tribe that sucks. That would be the worst fate of all, I was voted worst player on a tribe that sucks. Next week the merge comes. What did we learn last night. While Gota did dominate the last few challenges the merge comes next week which is similar to when Carol and Mike Brady got married back in 1970. Each side brings some good looking people, some smart people and assorted dumbasses into one household with each person trying to fit in and most importantly learning to share one bathroom. I think the Brady Bunch had more episodes than any other sitcom that pertained to bathroom sequences, but I digress. What the merge usually brings is unlikely alliances, one or two really dumb moves and someone stepping up who you wouldn’t think would have the nerve. Now the fun really starts.

The Hantz Fallout

The Hantz Fallout Bikal Day 13 Philip, Corrine and Dawn are seen discussing Brandon Hantz’s melt down last week. They don’t dislike Brandon they are just glad to see him gone. That’s like sending a postcard to people when you go on vacation and saying, “The food and weather are great and mostly glad you aren’t here.” Thank you very much. Gota Day 13 Reynold has a smile and is glad he has found the idol and wants to keep winning immunity so he can stay in the game. Of course if you say you want to keep winning immunities you should at least win an immunity once in awhile, just saying there chief. Drop Your Buffs The teams drop their buffs and are told to crack an egg on their body and which ever color they have that is there new team. Tribes are re-shuffled which result in an even split of four favorites and three fans on each team. Each team returns to their camps and it is very interesting and funny how the new players on each team willingly give out information to the returning veteran players about the current status of their old teams. My goodness Survivor 101, don’t give away trade secrets. Gota Day 14 Eddie is happy that he is on the strong, young, good looking team. You forgot to add the word ego there dude, the good looking, ego team. Veterans Erik and Malcolm listen to Reynold and they both come away with the feeling that he is a used car salesman. Andrea talks with Malcolm and asks him straight out if he has an idol and he lies and says no. He then tells the viewing audience that he is accustomed to lying to women. Way to build up your street cred with people at home who are voting for the $ 100,000 player of the game later in the season. I am sure you just lost the vote of all the women you slept with whom you never called back. Sherri tells Andrea and Brenda that Eddie is a nice guy as long as Reynold isn’t around, which is the truest form of follower there is. Bikal Day 14 Corrine loves Mike because she loves gay guys. Philip talks to Julia and Corrine who basically pretends to listen but isn’t really and then she says, “He is a former FBI agent, what federal crime did he prevent?” There’s the Corrine we have loved and missed this year. Corrine wants Philip gone but realizes its too early to flip on her alliance. She tells Dawn she wants Philip gone and Philip wants Corrine gone. This will make for a great future episode. I see a bitter Survivor divorce in the future. Immunity The tribes need to roll six large building blocks onto their matt and then build a stair case from them which spells out a message. Gota gets their stairway built before Bikal even has one block in place. It is quite obvious that Bikal is now the huge underdog in this game until the merge. Back Bikal camp Julia is the obvious vote out choice because she is very weak and was worthless at the challenge. However, Corrine talks to Matt and Mike as tells them she would be in alliance with them and then notices that Matt and Mike are close and that shouldn’t happen on Survivor, I gay guy bonding with a straight guy is never good. Cochran notices that Matt and Mike are close also which isn’t a good thing. Tribal Council Julia, Matt and Mike all point out that the fans in the Bikal are outnumbered 4-3 and that one of them is probably going home. Way to point out the obvious. Corrine says she likes gay guys which should send up a red flag to both Julia and Mike who aren’t gay. Cochran points out that the other side is the Bold and Beautiful. I am not sure why he says that but he does. Matt is sent packing which doesn’t make much sense to me for several reasons. One, he is a much better player then Julia. Secondly, if Corrine wants to get Philip out then having a Matt and Mike are two votes vs. one. She missed a chance to take control of this part of the game but failed here. When the tribes merge she had a chance to have a larger alliance. I think she will regret this vote out down the road. What have we learned. Reynold is the best players from the fans side and is playing to win. Eddie is his companion and is basically riding the wave. Sherri needs to work in getting Brenda on her side or here stay will be a short one. Mike and Julia are basically pawns but can stay in this game if they align themselves with Corrine who could take them deep into this game. At this point the only one of the fans who could win this game is Reynold. I think on the side of the favorites, it is between Malcolm, Erik, Corrine or Philip. I have been wrong before though.

Anybody got any visine?

Anybody got any visine? Gota camp after the tribal council. Hope was voted out last week meaning Eddie and Reynold are now outnumbered 6-2 in the Gota tribe. Eddie starts talking to the tribe as a group, “Where do you think we are going from here.” He then goes to make a confessional video, “They just voted out the prettiest girl.” That comment in itself speaks volumes on how bad he has played this game from day one. As I hit the rewind button on the DVR and go back to day one, we see the foursome of Eddie, Reynold, Ally and Hope off by themselves in the water declaring to the world that they are the pretty people of Survivor this year not taking into account that their tribe consists of ten people meaning they are outnumbered six to four. You see Survivor doesn’t have the luxury of electoral votes so whether you are pretty are not doesn’t matter. It took Eddie nine days, let me repeat that, nine days to figure out that six is greater than four. DAH, it only took me three days to figure out that six is more than four. Yea. Bikal Day 8 Philip continued assigning nicknames to all the players in his tribe. I started to write down what each players nickname was and then I thought to myself, is six really greater than four? Reward Challenge Once again a very cool challenge. Each tribe had to move two of their players from platform to platform which were placed about fifteen feet apart in the water. Two of the players would step on portable bridge pieces to move to the next platform. As each portable piece took two people to hold up, there was a lot of teamwork involved moving the pieces as well as balancing the two smaller players over the water. The entire tribe then swims out to one last platform and each member must be up on the top step balanced together. The favorites win this challenge and are rewarded by having a four foot tall, sixty year old tribesman from the area visit their camp, bring them food and show them how to cook. Cochran got a little jealous when all the women leaned in and kissed the tribesman before he left. Gota We see Reynold attempting to talk his tribe into voting out Laura at the next tribal council simply because she is very weak in challenges. Here is my review of Laura so far. She is the slowest swimmer, the slowest runner, can barely carry a five pound rice bag and she tells everyone in camp what everyone else is thinking. Hmmm, should we vote for the lazy guy or the weak girl? (For those of you who can’t see me, I am sitting here in my office with my arms folded, scratching my chin with my left hand and looking out the window with this thought provoking look on my face and saying, “hmmmmmmm.”) My eye Shamaar got something in his eye the day before the hurricane and now it is swollen up. Medics arrive with Jeff and they tell Shamaar he has scratched his eye and they think he should leave. Just leave already dude. Weakest, worst and sorriest medivac in the history of Survivor. Shamaar you lazy slob go home, you didn’t contribute anything to this season. I don’t know if you heard the entire messages and sub-messages that the other tribe members were saying as he left, “Sorry you have to leave,,,,,wish you had left earlier” and “Hope your eye gets better,,,,,you lazy ass little piece of crap.”, “Say hi to your mom when you get home,,,,,,hope she smacks the hell out you.” Anyhow, that’s what I heard. I will end by saying this, If they picked this guy over me then my application videos must really, really, really suck. Challenge Five members of each tribe will take turns one by one of swimming out to a platform, climbing a set of stairs, grabbing a paddle and then jumping off the ledge outward to smash a suspended tile which has a key attached. They will then grab the floating key, and swim back to shore. Once all five keys are retrieved two other members of the tribe will use the keys to open up a locked chest which contains sandbags. They will throw the sandbags at blocks of wood which are situated on a balance beam. The Favorites win again even after a comeback by the fans that was spearheaded by Reynold. Had Sherri not fallen so far behind in the beginning the fans might have won. Pre-Tribal Council Matt and Mike are impressing as the two smartest players in this game. They hash over the idea of voting out Eddie or Reynold over their friend Laura. They realize Laura is a vote but she also brings nothing to the game to help them win challenges. Matt also realizes the group needs to get Reynold’s hidden idol out of the game. Sherri doesn’t like getting rid of another in her alliance as she lost Shamaar earlier in the day. Tribal Council Basically what was discussed was loyalty vs. strength. If the tribe keeps Laura then the numbers stay strong but if you keep her you lose a strong person in either Eddie or Reynold who are by far the best at challenges. Sherri makes the best point in that, “We have had Reynold and Eddie at challenges so far and have lost with them, what’s the difference if we keep them or not?” Good point. Laura gets sent packing so it is evident winning a challenge is more important at this point on the game. What did we learn The Gota tribe now has a four to two split. ( I will have to check, is four more than two? I will get back with you next week.) Next Week Apparently Brandon goes nuts at camp and starts throwing the food on the ground.