5 Cardinal Rules to Play Survivor

Rule One - AKA / The Shut Up and Listen Rule
Most people on Survivor can't wait to tell you their strategy and they will. Shut up and listen and use it against them.

Rule Two - AKA / The Hidden Immunity Idol Rule
Most people who find the HII, pee their pants and then immediately go tell someone else they found the idol. You know why the United States didn't tell Japan they had the bomb during World War II? Because they wanted it to be a surprise. If you find the idol, don't tell anyone.

Rule Three - AKA / The Hot Chick Rule
You can form an alliance with ONE hot chick, but not TWO because it won't last. Don't believe me, go ask Hugh Hefner.

Rule Four - AKA / The GOD-Tim Tebow Rule
I refuse to pray to God or do Tebowing to give me the ability to lie and cheat better than the other players. I can do that on my own thank you very much.

Rule Five - AKA / The Get Off Your Ass Rule
I have wanting to be on Survivor for 12 years so put me on Survivor and I will be like the fat kid in a candy store with a pocket full of Christmas money. You will remember who I am.

Yes, I am like this in real life.