Your Really Hot and Free Idols for Everyone

EmilEdam Day 23 Reynold said getting rid of Corrine last week was the best thing that could happen to him. His crew that includes Malcolm and Eddie are now ready to take the game over. Malcolm points out to the viewing audience that his best buddy Corrine is gone but then again she was the only one who knew that he had an idol. Double edged sword there, you do have an idol but now a hated player is now gone so your protection level from being voted out has dropped. Phillip tells Sherri that she is hot. The confusion has started again and it was just last night (In Survivor time that is) that Sherri got five votes to be eliminated. I think she has taken on the role of Sarah Palin, first you hate her, then you sort of like her, then you really hate her, then you sort of like her again then her unmarried teenage daughter gets pregnant…………….Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts there. Reward Challenge This was basically handball over water. The goal is setup over a body of water with one team perched on a pedestal in front of the goal, being the goalie of course. Teams on the other side then run of the end of a dock and attempt to throw a small volleyball past the goalie into the goal. The all guy purple team of Erik, Eddie, Cochran, Reynold and Mike win the prize. Their prize is to repel down a large water fall into the small pond below and then enjoy a feast of food and drink. I always love the conversation that ensue during the meal, everybody is happy and smiling and making plans to take all of them to the finals. Then we get the little confessionals where people say, “He or she is lying and I don’t want to go to the end with them.” It is a modern day family reunion without the snot nosed kids and unmarried pregnant teenage cousins. I just read where Sarah Palin visited West Virginia and the girls there didn’t like her because she was too perrtty. Okay enough about that. Immunity Challenge Holding onto a set of monkey bars that are setup in the water and waiting for the tide to come up and slowly cover up your face making it hard to breath. They scale this challenge from about an hour and half to about four minutes. Total mute Brenda wins the challenge and continue on with 22 days of having not spoken. For those of you new to the blog, Brenda is playing for the second time and the first time around she never shut up. She has taken the total opposite approach and I don’t think she has said more than three words all season. Here is what I don’t get about her not talking at all. There are two prizes to win on Survivor, the million for winning and you have a chance to win 100 thousand if the fans of Survivor vote you as the player of the game. Nobody gets you know you if you shut up all the time. Eddie and Andrea The couple of the season. Andrea thinks Eddie is hot and Eddie thinks Andrea is hot and they talk and Eddie tells Andrea that he will do whatever she wants him to do to stay in the game. Eddie gets his dad’s station wagon and they go to the drive in for a date…….. Okay so I make things up sometimes. Day 25 Scrambling, scrambling, scrambling. Malcolm says the next vote is the most important of the season. A little dramatic but true. Dawn comes up with a plan to to tell Malcolm that the group is splitting the vote on Eddie and Reynold, but their real plan is to blindside Malcolm, love it, love it, love it….Eddie then tells Andrea that his group is either going to vote for Mike or for her. Confusion reigns. Here’s the thing that people should learn from this. Have a plan but let the day play out and then spring it on people at the last moment just before going to tribal council so they don’t have time to check sources and change their mind yet again. Come on people, pay attention this is how the best players do it. Oh by the way Dawn get Reynold to show her his idol which was brilliant on her part and stupid on his part. Tribal Council Mike starts out by saying the veterans are starting to rely on the rookies. Phillip goes on with one of Stealth R Us stories, I stepped out for a beer a smoke while he was talking. Sherri says that pay backs are a bitch. I am guessing this was because she got five votes the week before. Andrea announces that this would be the perfect time to make a move and she is 100% correct, however if you are going to make a move you shouldn’t announce that you are going to make a move. Sort of like a girl who wants to break up with her boyfriend and tells him she wants to break up with right before Christmas and can’t understand why he didn’t get her anything for Christmas. The vote is taken and Jeff asks if anyone wants to play their idol. Reynold stands up and is about to play his idol when Malcolm stops him and says, “Dude, everyone is voting for me, give me your idol.” Remember, Malcolm has an idol in his pocket and yes Reynold gives him his idol to play making Malcolm safe and Reynold vulnerable to being voted out. Mike gets five votes, Andrea gets three and Reynold gets one vote. Mike is gone and Reynold looks like a fool for giving away his protection. Next Week Dawn looks like she going to leave the game. Maybe, just maybe she is playing everyone.

Balut and Throat Punches

Bikal Night 19 The tribe goes back to came having just voted out Julia. Mike is the last of the fans crew left in their tribe and he thanks them for not voting him out. Thanking people for not voting you out of the game isn’t a good thing because it means you are probably next on the list to get voted out. Philip gathers Dawn and Corinne and tells them that he threw the challenge and wanted Julia gone. Corrine says, “How convenient that he says he threw the challenge, AFTER he loses the challenge.” Bikal Day 20 Corrine begins talking with Dawn that she doesn’t think Sherri or Eddie from the other tribe have a clue on how to play this game. Okay, first of all they are on the other tribe, what difference does is make now if they don’t know how to play the game? Secondly, isn’t having dumb people who don’t know how to play this game an advantage to you? DAH? Dawn picks up all her belongings and tells everyone she needs to take a walk alone. I understand her need to be alone but taking everything with you that you own? She looks at the camera and says she hates the back stabbing that goes on in this game. You don’t like back stabbing but for the second time in your life you signed up to take a trip half way around the world to play a game that centers around what? Backstabbing. Gota Day 20 A boat arrives with a message telling them to pack everything and get on the boat. They are taken back to Bikal Camp and the Merge has happened. Malcom comes up with the name Enil Edam for the tribe which is Madeline spelled backwards. His mom’s name is Madeline. My mom’s name is mom and if you spell her name backwards you get mom. Just sayin’. The tribe opens a huge chest which contains a lot of food and Mike comments that, “Dawn jumped right into mom mode and starting serving people and doing things like cutting the cheese, literally.” Philip starts talking to Andrea about getting rid of the big 4 or Eddie, Reynold, Malcolm and Erik. Meanwhile, Corrine is talking to Malcolm about getting Reynold, Eddie, Mike and Erik and having an alliance of six and work on taking out Philip or Sherri. The thing about Sherri is she is an easy vote out so you really don’t need to take her out now. And my big question is, “Where the hell is Brenda?” Of the twelve people left she hasn’t said anything on her second time playing this game, totally opposite of her first time around. However, no one is talking about voting her out either. The bad part about not talking to anyone is when it comes time to vote for a winner…..no one is talking about you either. Best Horrible Food Eating Challenge Ever Not your mom’s Thanksgiving Dinner here. First round two teams of six eat worm-like beatles that are still alive and moving on the plate. These things were the size of your little finger. The first three of from each group to totally eat the two bugs move on to the second round. Andrea, Eddie, Malcolm, Philip, Cochran, and Mike move on. These six then had to eat a pile of slimy worms with Malcolm, Cochran and Eddie moving on. Balut is next food item which is my all-time favorite food item in the history of Survivor. It is an egg with a pre-formed small bird embryo inside. Yes folks I can promise you Balut would never be a food item on a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny’s. Malcolm and Cochran win and get the final treat of eating pig brains. Cochran wins immunity and does his best Rocky boxing dance in celebration. David truly beat Goliath today. Pre-Tribal Council Oh yes when the merge comes the paranoia goes up three-fold. Cochran does point out that everyone is a friend of Malcolm and that he indeed beat him in the challenge. Malcolm’s cockiness comes in again as he allows Cochran to enjoy his win and to cross it off his bucket list of winning a challenge in Survivor. Philip wants Eddie or Reynold gone because the Boston Rob theory is to take a big player out now. Corrine wants Sherri gone which really makes no sense because Sherri is an easy vote out at any time. The discord goes further as Corrine then starts to make an effort to rid herself of Philip and makes plans to do so and mentions this to Dawn. The problem with running your mouth to a small group of people on a deserted island is word will probably get back to the person you are targeting. Philip finds out about Corrine’s plan (because Dawn told him of the plan) and he is pissed. Dawn and Cochran are talking to Corrine who seems to have a double alliance. Corrine says she wants to “Throat Punch Phillip.” Wow, not kick him the crotch or run over him with a car, no we want to throat punch the guy. The discussion between Cochran and Dawn centers around Corrine and they soon realize they would be numbers 6 and 7 in a 7 person alliance. Oh shit here we go again they think. Andrea is talking Erik about a certain person who is making plans to rid the group of Philip and rather than say a name Erik asks her to point at the person’s name on the flag who is going after Phillip and she points to Corrine. Wow, Corrine’s secret plan to get rid of Phillip isn’t a secret anymore and you know why? Because she told almost everyone on the island of her plans. Oh my goodness what a dumbass. Tribal Council Mike thinks one of the fans will be next to go. Corrine seems to think a fan will be next to go which brings smiles from many of the players who know she is lying through her teeth. As I have mentioned many, many times before, when if you tell a lie it has to be a lie that is convincing and not one where everyone knows you are lying. Sort of like that one guy, what was his name, oh yeah O.J. Simpson. Sherri then is quoted as saying a top ten dumbass line of all time, “I don’t think any of the fans have a chance of winning this game.” Way to give up there champ, why don’t you just quit right now. The vote starts and Sherri gets the first five votes and then wait a minute, surprise, surprise, Corrine gets the remaining seven votes and is sent packing. What a surprise, NOT. Next Week Are Eddie and Andrea hooking up? Don’t break that Cardinal Rule of hooking up and letting everyone know you are hooking up.

Dummies Guide to Being Stupid

If you haven’t watched last night’s episode of Survivor stop reading right now. I said stop reading right now. Okay? Okay. If Hollywood were to write a movie about last night’s episode it would be a story about a guy who wants to rob a bank. The twist is, he goes into the bank and holds a gun to his own head and says, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot myself.” I was totally confused watching it too. I won’t give away the ending until the ending. Gota Day 10 – The Turning Point Matt and Eddie both speculate that getting rid of two players last week made the camp better because the most negative player and then the weakest physical players are now gone. What Matt needs to remember is his alliance had a 6 – 2 advantage which is now a 4 – 2 advantage. Reynold speaks up that his idol is now gone and that the others in his tribe with the exception of Eddie are useless. Nice team spirit there guy. Bikal Day 10 Brandon is doing a slow burn because he thinks Phillip is disrespecting him and he is letting everyone know this. Cue the foreshadowing music, dohn – dohn – dohn. Reward Challenge Two tribe members of each tribe are instructed to each hold a rope attached to a separate pulley and supporting a net. Members of the other tribes are to shoot heavy coconuts into the two nets of the opposing teams making the nets heavy and hard to hold. The heavier the nets the harder they are to hold until, yes you guessed it, to the point where the player holding the net can no longer sustain the weight. Phillip wins the challenge for the Favorites tribe winning them food and drink for the evening. Oh yes, during the challenge Jeff points out that Sherri from the fans team is “worthless” in this challenge. Quick comment here, that dude ain’t playing the game, shut the hell up. By the way, I noticed Brenda for the Favorites has a very noticeable limp and had her knee wrapped as well. If I was in that camp I would tactfully point that out to others. It is often times the little things that get you further in this game. Gota Day 11 Are Matt and Reynold bonding or just pretending to? Sherri makes the most candid and obvious comment once again, “We kept Eddie and Reynold around because they would help us win in challenges and guess what, we lose again.” And Jeff called her useless. Then the entire tribe starts looking for the idol, with the exception Eddie. Here’s the message that sends to me, everyone in that tribe is scared now and at this point the leader of the entire tribe is in the minority. Makes no sense to me either. As the searching continues we see Reynold find the idol once again. I am not really a fan of his but to make the show better you know he had to be the one to find it. Bikal Day 11 Other wise known as the day the beans and rice hit the beach Brandon and Phillip are bickering, then they shakes hands and make up, then they fight then………well then Brandon takes ownership of his elimination. Brandon tells his tribe that he had thought about peeeing in the rice and of course they thank him for not doing that. I know when I was younger that we always prayed before supper, “Bless O Lord and these thy gifts and thanks for not letting anyone pee on our food.” Then Brandon finally goes over board and dumps both the bag of rice and the bag of beans onto the ground. Game, set, match to Mr. Hantz. Challenge Both tribes walk up to the challenge area and Corrine of the Favorites Tribe announces that the Favorites are going to forfeit the challenge. Brandon tells Phillip to shut up and Phillip tells Brandon to grow up. Jeff asked Brandon to walk over to him and while insults are being exchanged, Jeff continues to give Brandon a shoulder massage. Brandon is voted out. The dumbest part of this elimination was Brandon had friends on his team who would helped to take him a long way in this game. As I mentioned he was the guy who walked into the bank holding a guy to his own head saying give me the money or I will shoot myself and everyone said, “Okay…..shoot yourself.” I think he was proud of the way he went out and I think he is a dumbass. What did we learn The Gota Tribe has no leadership at all, they are lost. Bikal Tribe ridded themselves of a major problem but, you never and I mean never intentionally give up a player in this game. I think somebody unexpected is going to step up and lead, maybe Andrea. Next Week. Tribe Swap.

Worst player on a tribe that sucks

Bikal Night 16 – Post Tribal Council Julia says she almost peed herself at tribal council that night because she thought she was going home. Sounds like someone needs a pair of Depends. Mike said his now voted out tribe-mate Matt was his guy. Sounds like a funeral. Corrine is talking to Mike about getting rid of Philip. Philip notices that Corrine is talking to Mike and doesn’t like it. Cochran notices that Philip doesn’t like Corrine talking to Mike. Sounds like an episode of “Housewives of Survivor.” Whenever it happens Corrine vs. Philip is going to be a good fight, can’t wait. Bikal Day 17 Treemail comes and it makes reference to the strong beating the weak. Philip then tells everyone in camp if it involves strength he will carry the carry day. The only thing missing during his speech was a flowing cape flapping in the wind and the sound of horns blaring in the background. Reward Challenge Team members are clipped together to an adjoining rope and are to make their way around the race track attempting to catch the other team which started on the other side of the oval shaped race track, which by the way is situated in the water. Oh yes, each tribe member is carrying a twenty pound bag of sand as well. The idea is simple, catch the other team. Gota wins easily making it look like an Olympic sprinter on steroids competing against Betty White. For those of you who don’t know it, Betty White is a 90 year old actress. Very funny, very nice but she would suck at this challenge. Bikal Camp (Losers Camp) Philip mentions that he didn’t want to go to tribal council again and realizes they haven’t had the immunity challenge as of yet. Philip then talks to Julia about his Stealth-R-Us plans and makes mention of her being a double agent but warns her not to say anything to anybody. Of course Julia’s definition of don’t say anything to anybody means tell Dawn something five minutes after you were told not to say anything. Dawn then reports back to Philip what Julia said. Talk about summer camp for kids. Dawn is playing the same role she did when she played before, the dutiful tattletale. Gota Tribe Reynold and Malcolm are bonding and Reynold lets Malcolm know that he has an idol. Malcolm then confesses to the home viewers that he has an idol and knows who has the other idol and that he is now in control of the game with Eddie, Reynold and Erik making them the Four Alpha Males. I believe I have heard the infamous words, “I am in control of this game,” many, many times before from people who didn’t end up winning the game. Immunity Challenge The teams will send three players in a canoe out in the water to dock at a raft. The three will then dive into the water to release an anchored statue and bring it back to shore. The statue is placed onto a man made elevator which is locked down with five locks. Then someone will retrieve five keys by throwing a grappling hook and retrieving them. The keys will be used to release five locks which will allow the statue to move upward to the top its pedestal. Gota again wins easily. Bikal Camp Philip whispers to Cochran that he wasn’t trying very hard at the challenge because he wanted to vote out either Mike or Julia. Oh yeah the old, “I wasn’t trying very hard,” speech. Dude just admit it, you have been sucking at challenges. Maybe he needs to eat a Snickers. Cochran isn’t buying that story either. Corrine wants Philip gone but thinks this is too early to get rid of one of the people in her old fan base. Tribal Council Mike says morale in down. REALLY? Your tribe lost another challenge that wasn’t even close and you think morale is down? Corrine says there is tension with the 4 members of the Favorites in camp. Philip says he and Corrine don’t always see eye to eye. This is Tribal Council it is “Council of Cliches.” The reason this tribe is doing bad is they have no real leader, someone needs to say it. The first vote ends in tie with three for Mike and three for Julia. That means a re-vote in which Mike and Julia don’t vote and unfortunately for Julia she is basically voted out as worst player on a tribe that sucks. That would be the worst fate of all, I was voted worst player on a tribe that sucks. Next week the merge comes. What did we learn last night. While Gota did dominate the last few challenges the merge comes next week which is similar to when Carol and Mike Brady got married back in 1970. Each side brings some good looking people, some smart people and assorted dumbasses into one household with each person trying to fit in and most importantly learning to share one bathroom. I think the Brady Bunch had more episodes than any other sitcom that pertained to bathroom sequences, but I digress. What the merge usually brings is unlikely alliances, one or two really dumb moves and someone stepping up who you wouldn’t think would have the nerve. Now the fun really starts.

The Hantz Fallout

The Hantz Fallout Bikal Day 13 Philip, Corrine and Dawn are seen discussing Brandon Hantz’s melt down last week. They don’t dislike Brandon they are just glad to see him gone. That’s like sending a postcard to people when you go on vacation and saying, “The food and weather are great and mostly glad you aren’t here.” Thank you very much. Gota Day 13 Reynold has a smile and is glad he has found the idol and wants to keep winning immunity so he can stay in the game. Of course if you say you want to keep winning immunities you should at least win an immunity once in awhile, just saying there chief. Drop Your Buffs The teams drop their buffs and are told to crack an egg on their body and which ever color they have that is there new team. Tribes are re-shuffled which result in an even split of four favorites and three fans on each team. Each team returns to their camps and it is very interesting and funny how the new players on each team willingly give out information to the returning veteran players about the current status of their old teams. My goodness Survivor 101, don’t give away trade secrets. Gota Day 14 Eddie is happy that he is on the strong, young, good looking team. You forgot to add the word ego there dude, the good looking, ego team. Veterans Erik and Malcolm listen to Reynold and they both come away with the feeling that he is a used car salesman. Andrea talks with Malcolm and asks him straight out if he has an idol and he lies and says no. He then tells the viewing audience that he is accustomed to lying to women. Way to build up your street cred with people at home who are voting for the $ 100,000 player of the game later in the season. I am sure you just lost the vote of all the women you slept with whom you never called back. Sherri tells Andrea and Brenda that Eddie is a nice guy as long as Reynold isn’t around, which is the truest form of follower there is. Bikal Day 14 Corrine loves Mike because she loves gay guys. Philip talks to Julia and Corrine who basically pretends to listen but isn’t really and then she says, “He is a former FBI agent, what federal crime did he prevent?” There’s the Corrine we have loved and missed this year. Corrine wants Philip gone but realizes its too early to flip on her alliance. She tells Dawn she wants Philip gone and Philip wants Corrine gone. This will make for a great future episode. I see a bitter Survivor divorce in the future. Immunity The tribes need to roll six large building blocks onto their matt and then build a stair case from them which spells out a message. Gota gets their stairway built before Bikal even has one block in place. It is quite obvious that Bikal is now the huge underdog in this game until the merge. Back Bikal camp Julia is the obvious vote out choice because she is very weak and was worthless at the challenge. However, Corrine talks to Matt and Mike as tells them she would be in alliance with them and then notices that Matt and Mike are close and that shouldn’t happen on Survivor, I gay guy bonding with a straight guy is never good. Cochran notices that Matt and Mike are close also which isn’t a good thing. Tribal Council Julia, Matt and Mike all point out that the fans in the Bikal are outnumbered 4-3 and that one of them is probably going home. Way to point out the obvious. Corrine says she likes gay guys which should send up a red flag to both Julia and Mike who aren’t gay. Cochran points out that the other side is the Bold and Beautiful. I am not sure why he says that but he does. Matt is sent packing which doesn’t make much sense to me for several reasons. One, he is a much better player then Julia. Secondly, if Corrine wants to get Philip out then having a Matt and Mike are two votes vs. one. She missed a chance to take control of this part of the game but failed here. When the tribes merge she had a chance to have a larger alliance. I think she will regret this vote out down the road. What have we learned. Reynold is the best players from the fans side and is playing to win. Eddie is his companion and is basically riding the wave. Sherri needs to work in getting Brenda on her side or here stay will be a short one. Mike and Julia are basically pawns but can stay in this game if they align themselves with Corrine who could take them deep into this game. At this point the only one of the fans who could win this game is Reynold. I think on the side of the favorites, it is between Malcolm, Erik, Corrine or Philip. I have been wrong before though.

Anybody got any visine?

Anybody got any visine? Gota camp after the tribal council. Hope was voted out last week meaning Eddie and Reynold are now outnumbered 6-2 in the Gota tribe. Eddie starts talking to the tribe as a group, “Where do you think we are going from here.” He then goes to make a confessional video, “They just voted out the prettiest girl.” That comment in itself speaks volumes on how bad he has played this game from day one. As I hit the rewind button on the DVR and go back to day one, we see the foursome of Eddie, Reynold, Ally and Hope off by themselves in the water declaring to the world that they are the pretty people of Survivor this year not taking into account that their tribe consists of ten people meaning they are outnumbered six to four. You see Survivor doesn’t have the luxury of electoral votes so whether you are pretty are not doesn’t matter. It took Eddie nine days, let me repeat that, nine days to figure out that six is greater than four. DAH, it only took me three days to figure out that six is more than four. Yea. Bikal Day 8 Philip continued assigning nicknames to all the players in his tribe. I started to write down what each players nickname was and then I thought to myself, is six really greater than four? Reward Challenge Once again a very cool challenge. Each tribe had to move two of their players from platform to platform which were placed about fifteen feet apart in the water. Two of the players would step on portable bridge pieces to move to the next platform. As each portable piece took two people to hold up, there was a lot of teamwork involved moving the pieces as well as balancing the two smaller players over the water. The entire tribe then swims out to one last platform and each member must be up on the top step balanced together. The favorites win this challenge and are rewarded by having a four foot tall, sixty year old tribesman from the area visit their camp, bring them food and show them how to cook. Cochran got a little jealous when all the women leaned in and kissed the tribesman before he left. Gota We see Reynold attempting to talk his tribe into voting out Laura at the next tribal council simply because she is very weak in challenges. Here is my review of Laura so far. She is the slowest swimmer, the slowest runner, can barely carry a five pound rice bag and she tells everyone in camp what everyone else is thinking. Hmmm, should we vote for the lazy guy or the weak girl? (For those of you who can’t see me, I am sitting here in my office with my arms folded, scratching my chin with my left hand and looking out the window with this thought provoking look on my face and saying, “hmmmmmmm.”) My eye Shamaar got something in his eye the day before the hurricane and now it is swollen up. Medics arrive with Jeff and they tell Shamaar he has scratched his eye and they think he should leave. Just leave already dude. Weakest, worst and sorriest medivac in the history of Survivor. Shamaar you lazy slob go home, you didn’t contribute anything to this season. I don’t know if you heard the entire messages and sub-messages that the other tribe members were saying as he left, “Sorry you have to leave,,,,,wish you had left earlier” and “Hope your eye gets better,,,,,you lazy ass little piece of crap.”, “Say hi to your mom when you get home,,,,,,hope she smacks the hell out you.” Anyhow, that’s what I heard. I will end by saying this, If they picked this guy over me then my application videos must really, really, really suck. Challenge Five members of each tribe will take turns one by one of swimming out to a platform, climbing a set of stairs, grabbing a paddle and then jumping off the ledge outward to smash a suspended tile which has a key attached. They will then grab the floating key, and swim back to shore. Once all five keys are retrieved two other members of the tribe will use the keys to open up a locked chest which contains sandbags. They will throw the sandbags at blocks of wood which are situated on a balance beam. The Favorites win again even after a comeback by the fans that was spearheaded by Reynold. Had Sherri not fallen so far behind in the beginning the fans might have won. Pre-Tribal Council Matt and Mike are impressing as the two smartest players in this game. They hash over the idea of voting out Eddie or Reynold over their friend Laura. They realize Laura is a vote but she also brings nothing to the game to help them win challenges. Matt also realizes the group needs to get Reynold’s hidden idol out of the game. Sherri doesn’t like getting rid of another in her alliance as she lost Shamaar earlier in the day. Tribal Council Basically what was discussed was loyalty vs. strength. If the tribe keeps Laura then the numbers stay strong but if you keep her you lose a strong person in either Eddie or Reynold who are by far the best at challenges. Sherri makes the best point in that, “We have had Reynold and Eddie at challenges so far and have lost with them, what’s the difference if we keep them or not?” Good point. Laura gets sent packing so it is evident winning a challenge is more important at this point on the game. What did we learn The Gota tribe now has a four to two split. ( I will have to check, is four more than two? I will get back with you next week.) Next Week Apparently Brandon goes nuts at camp and starts throwing the food on the ground.

A hug and an intervention

A hug and an intervention Shamaar comes back to camp after the vote and explodes at almost everyone. Five days into this game and this guys’ act is getting old. I don’t think in the long history of Survivor that there has ever been a player in more need of a hug and an intervention then this guy. Calm down please. Reynold also announces to the group that they aren’t friends but they need him to win. I actually came into work this morning and re-watched the opening five minutes of last night show two times and finally remembered that old line from Forrest Gump, “Stupid is and stupid does.” Two guys who basically came out in front of everyone and said, “vote me out.” Gota Day 6 Reynold and Eddie know they are on the short end of the stick. Meanwhile mother hen Sherri is playing peace maker with Shamaar. Sherri owns a few fast food restaurants and said she knows how to handle the “Snotty Kids.” I wonder if any of those snotty kid employees watched the show last night? Funny how Shamaar calms down whenever he is around Sherri. Shamaar tells us he isn’t long for this game but then according to Reynold he plays the un-hero when he decides to un-quit. Shamaar also doesn’t want to be the angry black guy anymore. Bikal Day 6 54 year old Philip is very happy to being playing Survivor again and regales of his toiling on the basketball court against kids half his age. I am Larry Bird. No your not, Larry Bird was a slow white guy with a good jump shot and a bad back. You just walk around pretending a super hero in red underwear. Malcolm and Corrine go out and find an idol hidden where? Anybody? Buehler? Yes of course, it was hidden in a tree. Of course Malcolm comments, “Game, Set, Match.” Dude, never say that out loud. In fact Andrea is already making plans to get rid of your buddy Corrine, Speaking of Corrine, this has to be her nicer twin sister playing this time around. Last time she on Survivor I wanted to blindside her with a two-by-four to the back of her head. What a frickin’ bitch she was, didn’t like anybody. Maybe, just maybe somebody gave her a hug and an intervention. Cochran loves the Wednesday at 8:00 pm Survivor time and he is now living it everyday. Brandon mentions that if people lie to him he will pee in the beans and rice. Note ot self: If I ever get picked to play Survivor and Brandon is on my team, I will either hide the beans and rice or never eat them if he cooks them. Challenge Great challenge. Everybody swims out to a sharked caged area made of bamboo. They all must climb over the wall to get inside the cage which appears to sit in about six or seven feet of water. They must un-tie under water knots which secure two sets of doors and then pull a heavy chest to shore. They must then move this chest to a wood plank bridge and pull the chest across it. They also must use a treble hook to toss across two open areas and hook the drawbridge planks to fill in the two holes. From all looks and efforts each chest needed nine people to move it. The Favorites beat the Fans easily. They also win a tarp, a couple of chairs, pillows, blankets, a radar detector, A Sham Wow Rag, and a year’s supply of Rice O’ Roni. (Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.) Gota Day 7 Shamaar and Reynold start arguing about the goggles that Shamaar wanted during the challenge as he needed the goggles because he has contacts but Reynold wouldn’t give them to him. For the love of God they are a pair of goggles, people can go underwater without goggles, close your eyes. Mike, Matt, Shamaar, Sherri, Laura and Julia will split their vote, the guys voting for Eddie and the girls for Hope. Of course Julia runs to Reynold and Eddie and tells them the plan and that she wants to get rid of Shamaar and can get Laura to come on board. Dumbass move # 874 in the history of Survivor. You are a player in a group of six going to a group of three and telling them the plan? Why? Take your place and hold it now, nobody wants you gone. Paranoia is a terrible personality trait to have in Survivor and Laura has it. It has been proven through the years that if you continue to ask if people they are voting for you then you are in effect doing is asking people to vote for you. Shut the hell up girl. Reynold of course puts the horse before the cart when he thinks Shamaar is going home and says “This will be an epic tribal council.” No, no it won’t dude. Tribal Council Reynold begins by telling us that Shamaar lost it at camp after last tribal council because some people voted for him. We next find out that Shamaar has banned both Reynold and Eddie from talking to him. Hope is 99% sure she is going home. Matt points out that Shamaar gets upset easily. No shit Dick Tracy, stating the obvious. Julia says Shamaar is weak. The vote is taken and it Shamaar, Eddie and Hope all get three votes. A re-vote is taken where Shamaar, Eddie and Hope aren’t allowed to vote and Hope is sent packing. What did we learn? On the fans side of the fence Sherri appears to be the front runner. She fits the mold of past winners Tina and Denise, motherly, doesn’t get rattled, calms people down and doesn’t come across as a threat. People seek her out to talk. On the fans side I would say Andrea and Malcolm. Andrea is playing this game like she did before and if she learned anything, she doesn’t want to play it too hard. Next week Hurricanes and Rats

Never Hide an Idol in Your Pants

Bikal Night 3 So we start off night 3 with Brandon laying into Dawn about voting off Francesca. “She is one of the nicest people ever……..” yadda, yadda, yadda. Making enemies this early in the game is never good. Dawn goes off the cry. I will give everyone a minute to collect themselves……………….there you go, wipe your tears and blow your nose its time to get moving folks. Gota Day 4 We see Shamar, the marine guy who used to serve our country, work out on beaches and carry a gun, do what he always does and that is sit around and watch everyone else work. He is conserving his energy for his afternoon nap. Sherri talks to Shamar about being in her six person vs. the breakfast club, how is my hair looking, we are cooler than you are group of four. Shamar hugs her and thanks her. Dude you just don’t get it, Sherri is very smart and only wants to bring you along because you are registered to cast a vote in Survivorville and you help to keep them in the majority. Back at Bikal Brandon, Cochran and Philip are talking about their alliance and Brandon agrees with everything that Philip is saying. Brandon then runs back to main camp to tell Brenda, Corrine, Eric and Dawn that Philip is in indeed crazy. Yes Brandon we watched a few years ago when Philip was on previously, nut job #1 is in indeed. However, you are becoming that kid who gets beat up on the playground because you tell on people. Now go over there and sit down and shut up. We’ll come get you when we need the gum scraped off the bottom of the study hall desks. Immunity Cool task. Three people get on a raft the three people get pulled by a rope tied to a pulley which is attached to an anchored raft in the bay. The three on the raft then dive into the water to release seven life savers rings and return to shore to play toss across. Evidently the newbies sent three girls out who have never been in the water in their life because none of them do a very good job of going underwater. The veteran end up winning three to one and win immunity and fishing gear. Gota Tribe Meeting Upon returning to camp Reynold immediately calls out Shamar for doing nothing around camp. Survivor fans, here are two clear cut examples of how not to win Survivor. Number 1, don’t do anything around camp. People don’t have to be told you are lazy because unless they are Helen Keller or Stevie Wonder, they can see you are lazy. Number 2 example, not knowing your standing your game. Reynold has no clue that he is in the minority and then calls out someone who is in the majority in front of everyone. Yes folks this how you lose the game. I want to thank both Reynold and Shamar for demonstrating these examples. Is that an idol in your pocket? The group of six talks about voting out Allie out who is very close to Reynold. If you remember Reynold and Allie were snuggling the first night which isn’t against the rules but when people see you snuggling they make assumptions, you get your picture posted on TMZ, Taylor Swift writes another song about you and things go to hell in a hand basket very quickly. Matt might have opened his mouth too much as when he was standing talking to Sherri, Mike and Laura, he openly says, “I have a choice to make, I can vote with them or with you.” OMG? Dude really. You should have just put a sign up saying, “I am an undecided voter.” and hang up for all to see. The group of four talks about getting rid of Shamar because, well because Shamar is lazy and has a bad attitude. FYI, I just mentioned in the previous paragraph, I don’t think Reynold has much self awareness. Here is example #2. He goes out and does a great thing and finds a hidden immunity idol without the benefit of a clue. (And yes it was in a tree. What are the odds?) However, Reynold must be part blonde,,,,,standing out in the middle of a clearing, he pulls his pants up and attempts to hide the bulge in his pants which is of course an idol. No folks, he doesn’t do this in the middle of the trees or in a secluded area, but right out in the open where Laura happens to be sitting and sees his bulge. Laura being Laura she notices the bulge and realizes it must be an idol. The timing benefitted Reynold because everyone was leaving for Tribal Council so she had no time tell anyone in her alliance of six. Tribal Council They should just bring Dr. Phil into tribal council anymore because it has become a bitch fest. Shamar basically says Reynold is mad at him because his alliance only has four people to his six. Shamar is correct but as in Reynold’s situation, Shamar should check his standing as he is number six in a six person alliance which ain’t the place to be my friend. Michael points out that we didn’t have much strategy in the challenge and Shamar says, “No ones listens to me.” You need to earn some respect first. Laura then steps up and says she saw someone with a bulge in their pants but won’t call them out in front of everyone. Reynold take out his idol and tells everyone he plans to play it tonight. Yeah, I don’t believe that one for a minute. Shamar gets the first four votes and then Allie is voted out with six votes. What did we learn tonight? Be very aware of where you stand in this game at all times and most importantly, six is greater than four and you can ask my first grade teacher Mrs. Head. Next Week Shamar goes ballistic because people voted for him. Self Awareness my friend, self awareness.

Old vs. New 2.0 - You can't help being yourself.

Old vs. New 2.0 – You can’t help being yourself Ah yes life is whole again. Since we last talked, the ground hog said spring would arrive early and Mother Nature said, “Not so much,” and dumped two feet of snow in the northeast to prove the point that you should rush a woman. We are all taking a peak over the fiscal cliff, Taylor Swift apparently wrote another song about another ex-boyfriend and yes folks, Survivor is back on once again, life as we know it is whole once again. Day One The ten newbie’s arrive by boat and of course because of Survivor Rule #1 Sub-section 14b, there is absolutely no talking to other players until Jeff Probst says so. They all get off the huge row boat and walk to shore. They are told other players are going to arrive and two helicopters arrive with ten former players. Groans arise as the last player off the helicopter is former CIA or FBI counter terrorist, God fearing, flag waving Philip. Yes Philip the six foot four, intimidating black man who wears pink underwear and light blue tennis shoes. If you don’t believe me go rewind your DVR. Challenge The teams get about one minute to take a breath when Jeff announces the first challenge which is basically “Capture the Flag.” The teams send out two players to grab a large sized floatation device which they then attempt to maneuver to their flag pole. As in past years you are all but guaranteed to see at least one butt exposed and a breast or two fall out during the challenge. The Oldies win this one by a four to one count and get flint, the power of fire as reward along with 20 pounds of beans. Before we go one more step, I am going to guess that within the 20 pound container of beans there is either an hidden immunity idol –OR- a clue to where the idol is. Just sayin’. Newbie’s Camp (Gota) Marine Shamar sits around and tells us he thinks it is more important to make fire instead of building a shelter. Again, he does this while everyone else is working and he is sitting on his butt. Sometimes people can’t help but be themselves. Of course Shamar pisses people off and then turns around and makes a first by rubbing two bamboo sticks together with the help of another tribe mate. Goat to hero in about five minutes. I think this guy isn’t going to last long in this game because of his attitude. Oldies (Bikal) Philip models his latest pink underwear. Francesca and Philip played in the same season previously and they still don’t like one another. Oh yeah, Francesca was voted out first the last time she played. Dawn is already setting an alliance with Cochran, Andrea and Francesca. Philip is setting up alliances with everyone, with the exception of Francesca. He wants everyone to believe that the alliance ideas are everyone else’s idea and he is just a messenger. Actually if he can pull that one off, it is a pretty sound strategy. He is going to the “Undercover Brother.” Of course Philip can’t help being Philip when he asks Erik if he wants to be in their alliance but then adds, “I have the numbers so even if you aren’t in it doesn’t matter.” There’s the Philip we have come to know and not like very much. Francesca tells us if she gets voted off first again, she will eat a rock. Gota Reynold likes Allie and Allie like Reynold. DAH? Hope and Eddie are alone and start talking. Eddie says, “We are the two best looking people out here.” To steal from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, today’s word boys and girls is: Vanity. His luxury item is probably a mirror. That night while everyone was sleeping Laura notices that Reynold and Allie are cuddling quite a lot. Oh no Mr. Bill, one of the cardinal rules of Survivor being broken on night. Never, ever cuddle too much. The next day we see Reynold, Allie, Hope and Eddie taking a soak together. “It is just like high school, we are the cool kids.” Pardon me a moment while I put my tongue down my throat. There, I’m better now. Evidently the cool kids flunked math because they have four and the rest of the tribe is six. Keep up you attitude and the cool kids we soon be in the “Loser Lodge.” Immunity Challenge Survivor producers built a four story tall tower with stairs and fire poles. Very cool The point being each team will race players up the stairs to throw crates from a window and then slide back down the fire poles. Another player will then play toss across with bean bags that were contained within the crates attempting to land them in assorted holes on a board. The newbie’s come from behind to win. I am guessing this tower will come into play in future challenges. Bikal Paranoia is running rampant at camp as first Philip’s name, then Andrea’s name and finally Francesa’s name are all being discussed. The thing is most amazing is Corrine was actually being nice to all of people, Cochran. Tribal Council Brandon says this is a tribe of all chiefs and no Indians. Francesca and Philip revisit their feud from years ago. Cochran points out that people needs to watch what they say because lately, votes get changed at tribal council. For the second time in her short illustrious Survivor career, Francesca is voted out first once again. That means she has played this game and been voted out on day three both times. She probably spent more time traveling to and from the game itself than actually playing. She is the new Buffalo Bills of Survivor. For those of you who don’t know football history, the Buffalo Bills once went to four consecutive Super Bowl’s football and lost all four times. Sucks to be her today.