50% of the vote

50% of the vote...... I was riveted to my television the other night as the votes were being counted from people from all over the country. It was quite apparent that some people were still undecided right up the point of the vote and it showed. I was talking about the Survivor vote from last night, as it came down to the last vote. You see the people who play this game are from all over the USA, if I have to explain my analogies................(The smart people who read this don't need any explanations by the way, you know who you are) Dangrayne Day 19 My original thought was, Penner probably has to win immunity to stay in the game as he played his idol last week and most of the tribe doesn't want a former player winning. Jeff Kent is talking and saying everyone was wishy washy about getting rid of Penner that night at the vote. We all know Jeff wants Penner gone and here is one of my cardinal rules coming to life. Be oh so careful about what you say during this game, remember this is basically a 39 day interview for the job of being the Sole Survivor. If you continue to tell people you want someone gone, it will get back to that person at some point. It's not like you are talking about a co-worker who has an office in Califronia while you work in Ohio, these people see you everyday and unlike the corporate world, there are no middle management suck ups who walk around the office downloading apps on their phones all day and do nothing, these people matter. Skupin does what Skupin always does and tells Penner to relax and look for a crack in the alliance. Penner gives in and says he will ride in the backseat for a while. Good thing, the backseat is always more fun than the front seat because dad can't see what you are doing, just don't kick the back of the front seat. Lisa points out that people want Penner gone and that no one likes Abi, Pete or Artis. Here is the thing about Lisa, I like her but didn't like that she got picked for Survivor, being a former child actor and all. However, she is very aware of what is going on around her and she is very observant which has the makings of a good player. Reward Challenge The tribe is divided into two teams. One member will swim out and unhook of the four bouys which are anchored to the bottom of the the little inlet. The other members will then pull them back toward shore after they unhook each of the four bouys. Then they unlock a box and two people will then put together the various flag pieces. First team to finishi wins a feast on a river boat. Lisa, Denise, Malcolm, Jeff and Penner win reward. Oh by the way, Abi did participate for the other side in the challenge, that is a first I think. Riverboat Cruise In a makeshift boat powered by bike paddling monkeys the five cruise down a small inlet. Penner does his best, "I can't win this game so keep me around for my vote as I think you four should go to the final four" banter. Actually this is pretty smart because by the way everyone is talking, they wouldn't vote for Penner even is he were to make it to the final three. Dangrayne Day 20 We see Artis eating beans and rice and points out to us that if he has to eats beans and rice for 39 days he will do. The problem with that is the RDA of food requires only small portions of beans and rice so if he keeps this up he will probably get bound up because of the lack of fruit intake. He really should look at the ingredients on the bags of rice before partaking in such a risky diet. Day 22 Lisa, who accidently found Malcolm's hidden immunity idol now wants to get rid of Malcolm. WOW, you have someone who trusts and who also has an idol and you want to get rid of them now? Bold move or stupid? Here is another point of fact. If you are going to go after someone in a blindside and they are in your alliance, you better make damn sure you get rid of them and if you don't, you better hope they don't find out you were targeting them. Immunity Challenge Untie rope and then move bags of puzzle pieces up over and down under various obstacles. Pete, Jeff Kent and Penner are the first three and make it to the final to build a puzzle. Penner comes from far behind to win immunity. The pretribal council Democratic-Republican conventions Malcolm points out that Penner winning immunity was the Murphy's Law of Survivor, they had a plan to get rid of Penner and now they can't. Lisa then tells Pete that Malcolm has a hidden immunity idol and Pete asks Malcolm about this and Malcolm asks Pete who told him........yadda, yadda, yadda. Refer back to my blindside comment above. Lisa was a little to honest here as she told Pete exactly how she found Malcolm's hidden idol. Maybe she should have considered saying, "I think Malcolm has an idol." Then one group targets Pete and then one group targets Jeff Kent. Tribal Council Democrats-Republicans Malcolm points out that the Texas girl, Lisa, threw him under the bus by telling people about his idol. Lisa doesn't hide this and calls Malcolm a huge threat. Abi is confronted and tries to lie but is called out. Soon Abi shows people her hidden idol and Malcolm shows his hidden immunity idol. So a quick review, Penner would be going home if he hadn't won immunity, which he did so people can't vote for him. Jeff Kent and Pete seem to be the obvious choices but, just to add flavor, Abi and Malcolm both show their hidden idols making them not hidden anymore. This now ranks as one of the best tribal councils ever, and they haven't even voted yet. Votes are cast, and Jeff asks Abi and Malcolm if they want to use their idols which they don't. Abi gets one vote, Pete gets four votes and fomer major league baseball player jeff kent goes home with five votes. Review I think Lisa had a real chance to go far in this game and had a golden opportunity to blindside her idol holding buddy Malcolm which would have rid her of a great player and someone holding an idol. Now she goes back to camp with what? She goes back to camp with a great player who is holding an idol and now has absolutely no reason to keep her around or trust her. As I said if you are going to blindside someone, you have to blindside them. The game just changed to someone's favor and someone like Pete may have benefitted the most. He just survived a huge close call and now the focus changes to someone else. That's what makes this game so great.

I'm so confused......

I’m so confused………….. When you start with three tribes of six and one tribe gets decimated because they can’t win a challenge, it usually means the other two tribes will swoop down and attempt to gobble up the remaining players from the decimated tribe to strengthen the numbers of their own tribe. Confusion reigns down when the decimated tribe then has its remaining two members divided and one goes to each tribe and loyalty begins to be questioned in each tribe as the question arises: “How can you become friends with people with whom your were just competing with and are now are your tribe?” Now you throw in the fact a merge is coming at some point and you have to take into account the two members of the smallest tribe are still in the game and could be reunited because of a merge and could renew their alliance. Then you have to worry about who is going to ask who to the prom, make sure you don’t get the same dress as that bitch next door and bikini waxing. Everybody got that? Good….and break. Kalabaw Night 16 Denise has now and will continue to go to each and every tribal elimination council until she is voted out or makes it to the final. I think only one other player in years past, Stephanie Lagrossa, had this distinction of ever having to go to each tribal council during a season. Jonathon guesses that Katie, who was voted out last week, was the person who cast her vote for him last week. Jeff Kent continues to say he doesn’t want to be voted out before Jonathon, yes dude we know, you mention this at least five to six times per episode. I put it on my computer’s calendar to remind me just in case I forget. Jonathon also talks to the camera and makes the most logical comment of the season, “I forget that other people might be lying to me.” People lie on Survivor? Tandang and Kalabaw Day 17 A boat shows up at each camp and the tribes have ten minutes to pack their stuff and climb on their perspective boats. The merge is here. Ah crap, somebody forgot to pack the toilet paper. Dangrayne I might have fallen asleep but I don’t remember any discussion of the new tribe name. All I saw was a flag with the name. We see the tribes talking on their new beach and we see Lisa hanging everyone’s clothes us. Yes it is important to collect wood, build the shelter and have Alice from the Brady Bunch hang your clothes up to dry. Uh oh, Lisa is hanging Malcolm’s clothes up and finds his hidden immunity idol. Of course Malcolm and friend Denise notice this and they immediately go talk to Lisa who apologizes for going through his stuff and then Malcolm says I am your slave and the three form a weird bartender, sex therapist and actress threesome. This by far is the strangest threesome of an alliance I think I have seen on Survivor. We then see former actors Jonathon and Lisa talking about their acting past and how cool it is to be doing other things now. No one other than Jonathon or Jeff Skupin even know that Lisa used to be on television at this point. Not sure if anyone will care anyhow at this point. Oh yeah, Jeff Kent tells us once again that he doesn’t want Jonathon to win, yes once again. Talk centers around voting out either RC or Jonathon and Abi says, “This will be fun.” Challenge Grasp a bar which has a rope strung around it which is tied to a bucket holding 25% of your body weight in sand. The idea is to not let your bar unravel the rope which in turn would drop your bucket. Two immunities are at stake, one for the women and one for the men. Denise wins the women’s side, which isn’t really surprising. Then it comes down to Jeff Kent against Carter. It really doesn’t matter which one of these two wins anyhow so Jeff lets his bucket hit the ground giving Carter the win for the men. Back at camp RC tells us that her and Mike Skupin are in the majority. Not according to published reports from the other side. For the 57th time this season Jeff Kent tells us he doesn’t want to leave before Jonathon Penner. For the love of God we get it. Next week we start a drinking game, every time Jeff Kent mentions that he doesn’t want Jonathon to beat him in this game, we all shot gun a beer. But Jeff also realizes he is in the majority right now but he is lower on that social totem pole and it would be a matter of time before he gets voted out. If he flips then he risks alienating people from his original tribe but he would have a greater chance of finishing higher in the game. That is the dilemma, okay everybody shotgun a beer. Tribal Council RC says Tandang is family and sometimes family fight. Abi has none of it and says she is no friend of RC anymore. Bitch must have bought the same prom dress and arrived at the prom first. Lisa who is impressing by playing this game points out that her tribe Tandang should stay together as they have a six to five advantage and that Denise and Malcolm are were in the same tribe but now reunited. I would have said the first thing but lady, you know Malcolm has an idol and you did make a promise not to tell anyone and now you throw them under the bus. Sometimes the best thing to say in this game is nothing. Penner plays his idol and saves his butt as he gets 5 votes. Pete gets two votes but RC is sent packing as she gets four votes. Pete needs to pay attention now as people who get votes as tribal are either the easy out or people don’t like you. He might have wanted to keep RC around as she wasn’t well liked but and this is a BIG BUTT it is better to be the second least like person as opposed to the least liked person which he probably is now. Next Week Penner is on the war path.

Why I still hate soccer.........

"Soccer still sucks no matter who is playing or where you play it," -Andy Fairbanks 2012- Kalabaw Night 13 Katie knows she is the odd man out, or in this case the odd beauty pagent contestant out. She sucks at challenges, she complains and well... she simply doesn't know how to play the game of Survivor very well which is usually important especially when you are playing the game of Survivor. I think for my next video I am going to tell them I won the Miss 4H Pagent of 1978 in Fremont, Ohio. Who the hell checks on these things anyhow? I could send in a picture of me tipping over a cow or something, yeah that's it. Tandang We find out that returning player Mike Skupin is very good at something, that being eating all the tribes rice. Pete calls Mike useless....wait a minute you just said he is good at eating all the rice,,,,dude make up your mind. Artis also complains about MIke. You see the thing I am finding about Artis is the only thing he does is complain, other than that he keeps to himself. Reward Challenge Okay by a show of hands, other than The World Cup or The Olympics or when you watched one of your kids play in one of those elementary soccer games on a cold rainy Saturday morning where they don't keep score and parents bring the post game snacks and everybody gets a frickin' participation ribbon for putting their shoes on the correct foot (parents included),,,,taking a breath,,,,,,,,, when was the last time you actually sat down and watched an entire game of soccer? I will tell you when....NEVER. Okay wait a minute, I just remembered that two of my readers have nephews that play soccer so I'm sorry up front but I'm not sorry when I say, soccer is boring. Last night the challenge was to move a six foot high soccer type ball across the playing the field and score goals. The action lasted for about three minutes (which is about average for a regulation soccer game) and "As God as my witness," for the next hour the ball didn't move as the three players from each team were more intereted in mud wrestling than actually trying to score. Let me repeat that, the ball didn't move for over an hour. This was more boring than, dare I say it, "More boring than actually watching a soccer game," and I didn't even get a partcipation ribbon, bastards. Actress Lisa actually had Denise pinned in the mud, way to go girl. Anyhow a deal was struck that Kalabaw would win the reward of a picnic lunch and in return give all their rice to Tandang. Thank God that's over. Kalabaw It was actually more interesting to watch them eat their lunch of sandwiches and brownies than to watch the soccer game. Jonathon promised the group he would get some fish when they returned to camp to make up for not having any rice. Oh yes, they got letters from home but never read one line to us on how Aunt Martha's goiter was doing or if Grandma's broken hip had healed or if Uncle Henry had been released from prison as of yet. Tandang Artis is pissed that Skupin negotiated for the rice and didn't want to win the challenge. Lisa and Abi agree that they basically forfeited the challenge. Remind me here, wasn't this the same group that was complaining about Skupin eating all the rice and now he negotiated for more rice and they are still complaining? And Artis and Abi, weren't your asses sitting on the bench during the challenge? Why did you sit out? You didn't win the challenge but you got more rice and you didn;'t have to do a damn thing other than watch a soccer game. Hell I would have complained beacause I had to watch a soccer game. I will have to go back and watch the show on video but I think the censors missed bleeping out Abi when she said, "F*&^%$# stupid." Oh yes my favorite moment of the night was RC wearing a dress coat over her bikini, looked like a hooker on the Vegas strip. Kalabaw Jonathon comes through and goes fishing and brings back three fish. Three fish that would fit into the average household fish bowl that is. Let's all stand and give him a round of polite golf applause. "Pure Protein," he says. Enough pure protein for the average household goldfish that is. Immunity Challenge Slingshots and Lacrosse sticks. The teams shot slingshots with lacrosse balls into the air while team-mates tried to catch them with lacross sticks. Tandang wins 5 - 4 and of course Jeff Probst points out that "Katie is completely ineffective in this challenge." Way to go Jeff, throw her under the bus. Kalabaw Jeff Kent and Carter talk about voting out either Katie or Jonathon. The dilema is, Katie sucks at challenges but is loyal and an easy vote out later. Jonathon has the idol and might do a blindside on them later in the game. Kalabaw will be down 7 - 4 after this vote out so this is a tough decision. Carter and Jeff Kent both say they would hate it if, "Later in the game Jonathon blindsides us." Tough choice, keep the stronger player who has an idol and has played this game before and flipped sides or a weaker player who more than likely won't flip on you. By the way, the newest member Denise is fitting in just fine once again. She is doing all the right things and at this point in the game no one has been talking about voting for her at any time. As Jeff and Carter are sitting there, Jon Penner walks up and asks, "Well guys, who are we voting tonight." Carter speaks up and says, "Katie or Penner,,,,,,I mean Katie or Denise." Yikes, he is a blonde isn't he? Tribal Council Jeff Kent points out that Carter was simply outmuscled in the game. I want to point out that Carter is a track coach and got outmuscled. Isn't he supposed to be an athlete? Jonathon points out that because the tribe is so close, the vote will be a blindside to whomever gets voted out. Katie is the second former beauty queen to get voted out this season. Next week it looks like the merge is coming and Thank God it didn't appear that there were any soccer challenges.

Things can change at the drop of a buff.....

In one of my recents blogs I noted that just when you think you have this game figured out............. Matsing Day 10 Wow, each of the three tribes started with six players and since Matsing has lost the first four challenges they are down to Denise and Malcolm. The good thing about these two is they are positive people. These two are smiling and joking and basically come to the realization that their days are probably numbered. They spend the morning looking for the idol and after picking up the lid to the rice several times, Malcolm finally pulls the handle off the lid to find the idol. Even Denise cheers knowing full well it is Malcolm who has benefitted from this small triumph. They are both hoping that they will be added to the other tribes in lieu of having a two person challenge. Reward Challenge All three tribes arrive for a reward reward challenge, but first.................I remember back in the old Survivor days they had a reward challenge as well as an immunity. My favorite was when one tribe won toilet paper an outhouse. Two of the guys on the team actually slept in the wooden outhouse one night during a rain storm. It would have to have been raining pretty hard for me to spend a night in an outhouse. But I digress. Both tribes are given a servind tray which has an idol sitting on top, It is a simple game where by you simply attempt to knock the other person idol off of their tray. The first person's idol to hit the ground loses. Oh yes, beforehand we find out that Malcolm and Denise are to drop their buffs and pull a new one from a bag. Denise lands on Kalabaw and Malcolm goes to Tandang. After many quick and boring matches it is Malcolm who defeats Jeff. Actually he won by tossing his own high in the air and pushing Jeff's off of his tray which immediately hit the ground. Pretty smart. Tandang wins the Holiday Inn continental breakfast reward of coffee, tea and biscuits. "Did you find the hidden immunity idol? No but I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night." Back at Tandang You talk about a guy whose fate changed in the game very quickly, it would be Malcolm. Earlier in the day he was on a tribe that had two people left, it was raining, they had very little hope. Fast forward about ten minutes and he finds an idol, people welcome him to camp and then Peter tells Malcolm he wants to be his buddy and ....oh by way....Peter tells him he has an idol. As God as my witness I can't remember one player in the history of game of Survivor who had one foot on the plank and the other extended extended out over the ocean as he was about to get pushed into shark infested waters and then.......well then the captain of the ship says, "Dude, we were just kidding, get back on this ship you big duffus, give me a hug." Back at Kalabaw Denise shows up to camp and is welcomed with open arms also. The three girls in camp realize they now have a four to three advantage over the guys.................until. Katie points out that the women in camp now have a four to three advantage over the guys. Meantime, veteran player Jonathon approaches Denise and tells her that two of the girls Dawson and Katie are weak players and he invites her to join the guys alliance and she quickly says yes. So now Denise who was soon to follow Malcolm in walking the plank, has new life as well and a new alliance also. Then.............well then Dana who is linked with Katie and Dawson gets very sick and is soon on a boat going home, gave up, quit, whatever you call it. The doctors told her she was in no medical danger but I think she had just had enough of the rain. The challenge Run through an obstacle course, untie ropes to drop a drawbridge. gather puzzle pieces and put together the puzzle. Something to remember here, Abi from is asked to sit out yet another challenge for Tandang because they are one person up. The producers make a point to show this and by the look on Abi's face she is either volunteering to sit out againg or she isn't very happy about it. Tandang wins the challenge by a few seconds and it quite honestly came down to Katie not being able to transverse the first part of the obstacle course and held up the tribe as they only lost by a few seconds. Oh yes, Dawson wouldn't let Jonathon help her with the puzzle which didn't help either. Pre Council It is very evident that either Dawson or Katie is going home. One thing happens or better yet doesn't happen. Dawson knows that one of her tribemates is Jeff Kent who is a former major league baseball player and no one else knows this. When your head is on the chopping block, use anything, something, throw a rock, run with scissors, put your finger in an electric outlet, do something to save yourself. It doesn't mean people would have changed their mind but had she let everyone know that he was a former player, they might have changed their thinking about him because he has already made millions. Jeff is a smart player and is playing very well Dawson keeps her mouth shut and doesn't say a word and is sent home. Quick Review As it often times goes, it is the little things in this game that people take notice of and can change a game. Two players were walking the plank...... and then,...... they are told to drop their buffs, someone gets sick, someone does bad at a challenge and bingo bango, two people who were on a team that hadn't lost a challenge are now out of the game and suddenly two players who were on the ropes are now linked with the cool kids. You can never take for granted your place in this game because tomorrow something could happen that changes everything. Next Week. It appears to be a rough challenge and Artis gets pissed.

Repeating History

Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it -Socrates This week we are going to add a section called, “Would I have done it that way?” Matsing Day 9 To take a quote from Star Wars, “The total destruction of the rebel alliance will soon be complete.” The total destruction of the Matsing tribe is almost complete and they don’t have Luke Skywalker nor Obi Won Kanobi on their side. Three challenges, three defeats and now down to three members left in their tribe vs. six in each of the other two. Once again the talk around camp centers around who to vote out. “Would I have have talked about who to vote out?” Not before I knew what the challenge was, what’s the point. All you are doing is promoting negative thoughts before a challenge. Meanwhile over at Tandang… This tribe appears to be very strong as they have a tarp, they have this, they have that, but cue the theatre music, they are about to lose their head. Abi openly tells RC she doesn’t want to talk to her anymore, evidently she re-evaluated her “Three minutes after we met, I look good in a bikini you look good in a bikini let’s be best buds for life alliance,” has worn off. That will happen when your best bud (RC) tells you that she has found a clue to the hidden immunity idol –AND- reads you the clue aloud. Then best bud B (Abi) goes out and finds the idol right under RC’s nose. Peter jumps on the boat and wants to cause chaos and reassures Abi that he doesn’t trust RC either. “Would I have taken the clue knowledge supplied to me and found the idol?” I would have done half of what Abi did. She found the idol (Which I would have done or at least looked for it) but she also previously told Peter she was given the clue and then she tells him she found the idol. WTF? She now risks that her first friend RC sticks around past the merge so she will find out that Abi has the idol and Peter now has the ability to blindside Abi. Two bad things could be bring the end to Abi. Take control of what you can control in the game and quit giving up decided advantages. She is already buds with Peter, what did she gain from spilling the beans? Kalabaw Jonathon who has found the hidden immunity at their camp now wants to buddy up with both Jeff and Carter. While the three guys are out collecting food in the water they talk. Earlier in the game we heard Jeff say that he wanted Jonathon gone, he did this if front of the entire tribe. By telling the tribe he wants Jonathon gone and now thinking about keeping him might put him on the chopping block later because of a trust issue. Now he sounds like his running for president as he says, “I need to re-evaluate my thoughts and might want to partner up with Jonathon.” “Would I have told the others I had found the idol if I was Jonathon?” In this case maybe, he knows he is a returning player and people might want him gone because of that. I need to write a Cardinal Rule subsection for returning players. The way he approached Jeff was beneficial and he also spoke loud enough for Carter to hear who was standing close by. Experience is kicking in with Jonathon as he wanted Carter to hear the conversation. The three guys are gone from camp for about two hours and the three girls in the tribe are very aware that the guys are probably forming an alliance because they have been gone so long. Ya think? I am guessing the guys are thinking the same about the girls at this point. Quick Review The two tribes who have won all the challenges and haven’t had to vote anyone out are dividing at the seams. Yes folks this game is as much psychological as physical. That and the fact you never know when Jeff Probst might show up and say, drop your buffs, we are realigning the teams. You have to expect anything is this game. The Immunity Challenge The teams will take turns carrying two heavy clay pots via a long log which you carry over your shoulders. They must transverse through an obstacle course and then set the pots on top of posts of varying heights. If a survivor drops or breaks a pot along the route they simply have to return and start over. The goal is to set six rice filled pots and then use a ball on a rope to swing and break the pots. Something not to be overlooked here is the tribes who haven’t lost a challenge must sit out three players and each team decides to have all the girls sit out. This does not go un-noticed by the girls on both tribes. Unfortunately Matsing has the lead early for the first time in any challenge, but loses yet again. Russell goes off on a rant once again. Pre-Tribal Council Malcolm, Denise and Russell takes turns talking to one another knowing full well one of them is going home. As I watch this go on at camp the only thing I know for sure is, I don’t know who is going home. I would have thought at this point Russell, who has a clue to the hidden idol in their camp, would have spent his entire time looking for the idol which he doesn’t. ”Would I have looked for the idol at this point?” Ah, hell yes. I wouldn’t care if the other two knew it, I have a one in three chance of going home and if I find the idol I am staying so I would have taken advantage of my last opportunity to stay. Tribal Council Again, I had not clue as to who was going home, but Russell is voted out. It basically came down to either Denise or Russel with no one talking about voting out Malcolm. Let's rewind to last week, the same Malcolm who was chastised for snuggling with Angie who was voted out last week. Short memories and this shows how fast your head can go on and off of the chopping block. Knowledge is King Getting back to the title of this blog. People continue to make the same mistakes as players from the past. The Hidden Immunity Idol is just that, hidden, people don’t know you have it, that is the biggest individual advantage you can have in this game. While Denise and Malcolm did look through Russell’s “stuff” to see if he had the idol from their camp before they voted, that’s called games-man-ship. At least Jonathon had a plan when he told Jeff he had the idol over at Kalabaw. Meanwhile at Tandang, Abi seems just to be happy that her former best bud RC doesn’t have the idol. I am guessing Jonathon uses the idol to his advantage while Abi, well Abi gets blindsided because of her over confidence in herself, she won’t think anyone is voting for her. Three things hold true in Survivor. One, If you play the idol at tribal council you can’t get voted out that night. Two, find a way to use the hidden immunity idol to your advantage. Three and probably most importantly, build trust within your group, not just a couple of people. For some reason RC doesn’t have the trust of her tribe mates and will probably be the first of her tribe to go because of it. She was readily available to tell everyone she doesn't trust Lisa early on, but has no clue how to defend that when her name comes up as untrustworthy. For someone who says she is a super fan and knows how to play, she doesn’t look the part. As with past players who were cocky in the beginning, she doesn't have a plan B.

Cuddling vs. Can't Do

There are some things you should always do on Survivor like pitch in and help, make friends and generally be yourself. There are things you should never, ever do like tell your tribe, “I can’t do that challenge.” Nor do you have someone tell you about a hidden immunity idol clue and then go behind their back and find it yourself. Breaking a trust is huge in this game. Quick review We see that Jonathon Penner has found an idol which was actually the handle to the rice box, very clever by the way. Lisa is still crying. RC tells her best bud Abi about the clue she found on where to find the idol. To quote Homer Simpson, “DOH.” Let’s all recite the Hidden Immunity Idol crede, “Never tell anyone you have the idol –OR- more importantly never tell anyone what the clue says, unless of course you have already found the idol.” Matsing Day 6 This tribe has already lost two challenges and instead of talking about how to improve they are talking about who to vote out next. Why don’t your try to win a challenge instead of talking about losing. Someone forgot to tie the raft down so they have lost their raft when the tide came in. To quote Homer Simpson a second time, “DOH II.” Tandang This is going to sound like a soap opera but……RC tells Abi that she has found a clue to the idol and even tells her what the clue says. Abi immediately runs to Peter and tells him she doesn’t trust RC but at the same time breaks that trust by telling Peter that RC has told her the words in the clue to find the idol. Abi then goes out and find the idol. Of course her comment was, “I found the idol, I knew where it was the whole time.” No you didn’t because the idol was sitting in your camp for nine days girl, right in front of your face. Sound like a reality show doesn’t it? Immunity Challenge Dive into the water and swim out to rope which is anchored to the bottom of the lake. There are puzzle pieces attached and each progressive piece is tied deeper into the water. It appears the last piece is about twelve to fifteen feet underwater. Once again Matsing finishes last meaning they must vote someone out. Angie, who is all of 20 years old couldn’t even go two feet under water to untie the first puzzle piece. 2 feet underwater people, yes two feet underwater which is about one inch deeper than your bathtub. Girl must have really rough time if she drops her soap during her Saturday night bath. Halfway through the challenge Angie says, “I can’t do this.” NO, NO, NO, never admit you can’t do a challenge while a challenge is going on. Of course not to be outdone, Russell can’t even climb up the two foot ladder out of the water. Maybe he should have had one of those monitors around his neck, “Help I’ve fallen and can’t climb a two foot ladder.” Let’s review, one person can’t go down two feet and the other can’t go up two feet. By the way RC was hands down the best swimmer of everyone in this challenge. Hopefully people took notice as there will be more water challenges to come. She could be a huge threat in upcoming individual challenges. Tandang The only thing I have to say about Tandang is this, Artis complained that Mike broke the goggles during the challenge. Artis can indeed speak after nine days of not speaking. My thoughts were Survivor had recruited a monk to play this game. Matsing They are going to tribal council and it is quite apparent that Russell and Angie are on the chopping block. At this point it comes down to who is the weakest link, two people who can’t do much in challenges really. My vote at this point would be to keep Russell simply because he will be loyal but will be the easier vote off later on because his mouth will get him into trouble. Angie cuddled with Malcom early on and he realizes that, “There is no cuddling at night on Survivor.” There is no crying nor cuddling allowed on Survivor. Tribal Council Denise says she has given up a lot leaving family and clients behind……….cue the violins please. Everyone who has ever played this game has left something or somebody behind. Although I think Denise is by far one of the smartest players in this game. Malcolm says Angie and Russell both struggled and the time to step up and play harder is now, “This ain’t sixth grade dodge ball.” Angie is voted off. Next Week Mike Skupin sustains his 57th injury of the year and Matsing must win a challenge or at the very least finish second so they don’t have to vote someone out.

Cookies and Booby Traps

Ah yes, week two and paranoia is already setting in, that usually doesn't happen until week four or five so this crew is way ahead of the norm. Matsing Night 3 (Paranoia Part 1) Russell tells us he was on the chopping block last week and needs to back off on the leadership role. Bueaty queen Angie and Bartender Malcolm are both cold during the night and cuddle with each other. (By the way Angie helped me write this post and spell checked her work on her car's GPS unit............yeah. Do I need to say more?) Back to Malcolm and Angie. A hunky bartender and a beauty pagent queen hooking up, what are the odds on that? Meanwhile, God's number 1 Survivor disciple Roxy notices this sinful behavior. "We have to get rid of one of them." Cue the side music, "Dun, Dun, Dun." Tandang Day 4 (Paranoia Part 2) Banker RC finds a clue to the hidden immunity idol in the rice. RC shares this information with her best bud Latina born Abi and they dance and hug and do the things that Malcolm and Angie were doing, but I guess since it's two hot girls in bikinis on a beach hugging and touching, THATS ACCEPTABLE. Who am I to judge. RC then is seen talking to Mike and afterward best bud Abi confronts RC about this conversation and tells her, "You were talking to Mike a long time and don't *&^% with me." See, I just proved my point, Mike wasn't wearing a bikini so he isn't allowed to talk with someone wearing a bikini, I am so smart. Kalabaw Day 4 It rains and rains so the tribe moves to a cave in an effort to keep dry. Oh wait a minute, Jonathon Penner stays behind at camp. This tribe may be the strongest but here's the thing, and here comes my, "Have they ever watched a single episode of Survivor....." they are leaving a three time player behind at camp by himself after they have said, "We think he is looking for the idol." So why would you allow this guy to be by himself which would what? Allow him to look for the idol. Of course he finds the idol which, by the way wasn't in a tree. I will give the producers credit for where it was hidden this time, right out in the open where anyone could have found it. Here's the problem that Jonathon has now, he has bonded with no one. Granted he found the idol but that saves him for one day. Matsing Day 5 Roxy tells Russell and Denise about the whole Malcolm and Angie thing. Here's my two cents about doing this. It is a good thing to provide this information about others but....and this is a big but....you need to be very good at the game playing side including challenges if you do this............Unfortunately for Roxy Denise takes notice of here antics. Denise is a very smart player (to remind she is the sex therapist, I will remind you of that often) she is a very smart player and has aligned herself with both Russell and Malcolm. I know it is early in this game bit a tribe who is down early in this game and loses challenges often times form a strong bond when weaker players aren't there to drag them down. Tandang Day 5 Lisa is having a hard time because as she says, "I am an introvert." A message here from the Survivor Emergency Broadcast System, "Attention future players, if you want to do well in this game, don't be introverted." Thank you. Then we get special bonus coverage for a "Survivor Breakdown," moment, complete with subtitles. Honest to God, Survivor now think, we the fans, don't know when someone is breaking down. Yes, we have reached Nirvana. I am talking about the Nirvana of inner peace and not the rock band headed by Kurt Cobain who died of a cocain overdose. I had to clear that up. Anyhow, the tribe thinks Lisa can't be trusted as whe always goes out by herself. I actually feel sorry for her to a point but then again I go back to my most repeated quote, "Have you never watched a single episode of Survivor." What part of the game did you think was going to be easy? Matsing Day 6 Roxy's turn to breakdown because of all the rain. Then the sun comes out and Roxy is seen lying on the beach praying. I will say this about this game, when they say no privacy, they are right. Denise makes the most obvious comment, "People need to dig deep to play this game." Challenge Each team will have two players drag a sled over the sand to pick up heavy puzzle pieces and return to the puzzle table to put together three puzzles. Roxy tells her team that she "Hasn't been drinking much water so she is weak." Really? Play the game and shut up. One of my cardinal rules, "Never show weakness and never tell others you can't do something." Go out and suck at a challenge but when you tell people you suck, you just re-inforced what they already knew. Tandang wins and gets a tarp, blankets and pillows. Kalabaw is second and gets a tarp which of course means Matsing is sending someone homem Matsing Pre-Council Talk centers around either Angie or Roxy. Angie and Malcolm are too close per what Roxy continues to say. Malcolm points out in a confessional that he is probably getting to close to Angie, but she is attractive. He also points out that Roxy does nothing around camp. Cue the music again, "Dun, dun, dun." Tribal Council Russell is emotional because he doesn't like losing. Denise says they are in a stage of accusing each other, but that happens when you lose. Roxy, oh dear Roxy, when Jeff asks her the question, "If you could change anything around camp, what would it be." Her answer is, "We have too much energy at camp and people are always getting wood or water. We need to rest more." Coming fron someone who doesn't work very hard, yeah, not the right thing to say. However, when Jeff asks Angie the same question her reply is, "We need cookies." As God as my witness I sat up in my chair and one second before Jeff said, "Really?", I said the same thing. At that point the looks on everyone faces was the same, "Really." I do attribute this to her age, but "Cookies." Roxy then calls out Malcolm and Angie for their relationship and says, "She is setting up a booby trap." Nice one. Roxy apologizies for the reference but she knew what she was saying. Roxy then tells the group, "Good luck if you pick her over me." Surprise, surprise, boobs win out over God and Roxy is sent packing. In hind sight I think they voted the right person out because quite simply Roxy sucked at challenges, didn't do much at camp and was a negative person. Angie ain't smart but having someone on your team who isn't smart in this game means a vote in your favor and of course she's not very smart which increases your odds of winning. Also, you don't want two people in your alliance who hate each other. Next Week Lise is cautiously optimistic and Skupin might be on the chopping block.

Sum-Bitch

The start of a new Survivor season brings a smile to my face and tones of “I told you so,” to my voice. 3 of the 18 players on this season’s version of Survivor are returning players who sustained injuries in previous season. Within the first two days of this season, 2 of these 3 players have not developed a good relationship with their tribes which is never a good sign. Then we have a former major league baseball player with 17 years of baseball experience, injures his knee three minutes into the game, yes I said three minutes into the game. Finally we have a former children’s television star who has seen every episode, is a big fan, but is seen crying in next week’s preview wondering aloud if she has was it takes to continue. Yes folks, its Survivor season once again. Boat Entrance Jeff is seen entering this season driving his mom and dad’s new speed boat, hopefully he asked them if he could borrow it. He docks up next to a larger boat which has 15 new contestants who are not allowed to talk to one another until Jeff says so. Two of the contestants provide their thoughts, “Hope there are no past players nor any celebrities playing.” For those of you playing along at home, that is called foreshadowing, research it, study it and be ready to recite it. Next we see another boat show up with three former players who were injured in previous seasons. Jeff then says the three teams have 60 seconds to unload everything they can from the boat and load them onto their prospective rafts for immediate launch. Sort of like the divorce decree, thanks for playing, hugs and kisses now get your shit and get out. Matsing Tribe Returning player Russell tells everyone in his tribe that he doesn’t want to be the leader of the tribe and then starts telling everyone what to do. Angie tells us she is a former Miss teen Utah and that Russell is bossy. Malcolm lived in Micronesia for a year (This ain’t your mom’s Micronesia dude) and Zane has a tattoo of Frankenstein on his arm. WTF? He dropped out of school at 17 because “you don’t make money going to school.” What great logic, why did I go to school at all. He retreads tires now. (Oh yeah, that’s why) Denise is a sex therapist. I am wondering, if I get hurt having sex is she who I go to, to get healed? I wonder what the rehab would be like? You thought the same thing. Zane tells everyone he has an alliance with everyone. DUH? Why? Kalabaw Tribe Returning player Jonathon Penner shakes hands, kisses babies and then starts looking for the hidden immunity idol which isn’t a bad thing unless of course, everyone knows you are looking for the idol which of course happens. Dana picks up on this and wants him gone now. Sarah says she knows who Jeff Kent is on team and that he played major league baseball….uh oh….somebody knows him. Tandong Tribe Returning player Michael Skupin makes friends immediately. KC who is a banker says she is ready for anything because she can hail a taxi in her high heels. I can chew gum, walk and talk at the same time but you don’t me bragging about that. Michael then does something smart, on the sly he goes up to former childhood tv star Lise Welchel and tells her he knows who she is. Doesn’t make a big deal of it but points its out. Abi starts playing the flirting girl when she asks hunk Pete to cut a piece of wood for her. RC points out that Lisa can’t be trusted. I will point out here that you should read RC’s profile on Survivor Fever, thinks an awful lot of herself. Matsing Tribe Russel finds a clue in the rice for the hidden immunity idol. Zane sees Russell reading something and tells everyone in the tribe. Everyone now thinks Russell has an idol. Immunity Step one is to have two tribe mates run up a cargo net and release the paddles for a boat. The next two will row out and untie a large box containing puzzle pieces and bring it back to shore. The third two-some will put the puzzle together. Russell again pisses off his tribe mates when he assigns Roxanne and Angie to do the puzzle even though they both say they are lousy at puzzles. Guess what, their tribe loses, imagine that. Dumbest Idea Part Two Thinking back to last season when the men’s tribe gave um immunity after winning the challenge, I thought that was dumb. This move from Zane was even dumber. Dude goes back to camp and tells everyone to vote for him because he lost the challenge and he is a hinderance. He then goes off camera and says this could be the best idea ever, “telling everyone to vote for me so everyone won’t vote for me.” I am going to re-type that part slowly so you can re-read it slowly. Zane tells people to vote him off the island because he doesn’t want them to vote for him. Getting back to his Frankenstein Tatoo for a moment do you realize if you add the letter “I” to Frankenstein you get Frank Einstein, to steal a phrase from that one beer commercial, “Brilliant.” Anyhow he gets voted out which for a dumbass should be expected. Oh his way out you hear him mumble “Sum-Bitch.” The tribe voted correctly in keeping Russell who is strong, vs Zane, who, I am not sure how to describe that guy other than wild card. Next Week Our television star cries and a storm hits.

Force Justifying Your Life

I am sure at least one of my loyal readers has heard the term "Force Justifying," at some time or another at the workplace. If you don't know what Force Justifying means, below are two paragraphs, the first without force justifying and the second with. Peter owned a white rabbit which bit his pet dog on the ear everyday. One day the dog said, "Screw this" and picked up the rabbit and threw it under a passing bus which killed the rabbit instantly. Peter owned a white rabbit which bit his pet dog everyday. One day the dog said, "Screw this" and picked up the rabbit and threw it under a passing bus which killed the rabbit instantly. As you can see the second paragraph is uniforn on both the right and left hand sides of the paragraph, this was done by adding a few extras spaces to make the paragraph have a more eye pleasing look. I came upon this when I was asked to proof read several postcards, flyers and other assorted items and noticed those "extra" spaces between some words which appeared on these publications. With that in mind I was thinking I need to make my life more "Force Justified." For example, I am not at all sure that I have any friends who are Jewish. So to fill in the blanks I am asking my fans to step forward and introduce me to any Jewish people they know, to fill in the space so to speak. I have the full compliment of Catholics, Gays, Football Fans, Beer Drinkers, Gamblers and that one cousin that, let's say, people would rather not sit next to at a family reunion. (You've got a cousin like that in your family, you just don't write about it on a public blog.) As far as cooking, someone has to show me how to make a good meatloaf. I think I want to take a yoga class but I have heard between the heat and humity in the room you sometimes come out smelling like a wet dog. (Any thoughts?)Unless my sisters get busy I will have to cross have any nieces off of the list. Maybe I can rent one for a day just to see if that would be cool or not. Finally, I think I may want to visit Brigham Young University on graduation day, the place where they make students sign a NO SEX clause while they are in school. I want to be there to shake the hands of both virgins and people who never got caught.

My past two weeks.

Since Survivor is on hiatus until the fall, I thought I would update you on my last two weeks and what I have learned. By the way, I wrote CBS a letter and asked them if the people who hide the hidden immunity could possibly in their heart attempt to find a different place to hide the idol besides inside a tree or a hollowed out log which I think is where it has been hidden the last 47 times just sayin'. Printing For the past three years our company has printed four monthly neighborhood magazines which are distributed in the Dublin, Ohio area. Each and every month I put in a request for 100 additional magazines to be printed for samples which are printed in our Des Moines, Iowa office and then sent to me. Last week I received 742 sample copies because, as I was told, "We hired a new girl and this is her first time doing this print run." What did I learn? Never hire new people who can't read emails or count. Cupcakes and Mom My mom sent my sister Julie and I to the store to buy cupcake inserts so she could make cupcakes for my nephew Nick's high school graduation party. The inserts needed to be white because the cupcakes would be the school colors of orange and black and if we bought the multi colored inserts, then the blues, reds and greens would contrast the orange and black of the cupcakes. I asked my mom if she thought the people coming to party wouldn't eat the cupcakes if they were in the multi-color, mismatched inserts. She never answered me. What did I learn? Don't question my mom on such high stress issues like cupcakes. My Nephew My youngest nephew Aidan is eight years old and is the smartest kid under the age of nine that I know. Of course I only know a handful of kids under the age of nine..........Dude is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and is athletic. Anyhow, I asked him to come along with me if I make it onto Survivor and promised him I would buy him a pool if I won. What did Aidan learn? He never agreed on the size of the pool. Next week We will discuss that little bastard who cut me off in traffic and why I won't wear green shoes again.

Afraid the make a move

Very Early in this sseason the guys simply dominated the first six reward/immunity challenges against what appeared to be a overmatched, unorganized women's tribe who couldn't get out of its own way. Then...... well then the tough alpha male tribe who was kicking anyone's ass who was a female.....well they decided to do what every red blooded male would do at this point of a game they are dominating, they changed course and gave the keys to the kingdom to a college aged, gay, republican who managed to offend the asians, the blacks and the little people of the world in the period of about ten minutes. Why? Because I wasn't there to stop it you idiots so don't blame me. Can anyone stop Kim It has been quite apparent that Kim has been the best player all season and the only way she can lose is if she loses immunity in the final four and the the other three vote her out. I am not even sure if they vote her out at that point. Sorry to say but even the women aren't picking up Kim's total domination. It appears that Christina and Alicia want to vote out either Chelsea and Sabrina and vice versa. No one even metions Kim's name in any conversation. How does that happen? Strength-Balance-Memory Cross a balance beam maize to arrive at some cargo netting to pick up some puzzle pieces that will provide with you clues to numbers which will unlock a combination lock. This was one of the better challenges of the year. Alicia who claims to be running the show gets out to a big lead but for some reason begins untying the knots to other players bags of puzzle pieces. For someone who is a school teacher, she didn't pay attention to the directions of Mr. Probst very well. It was at this point my cable lost the picture but I still had sound. It was sort of like listening to Helen Keller or Stevie Wonder perform a challenge. Nothing like blindfolding the audience. Kim wins the challenge. Tribal Council It is very apparent that Alicia and Christina are going to vote for Chelsea and that Sabrina and Chelsea are going to vote for Alicia. Kim is the swing vote and she even talks about taking Alicia and Christina to the final because she feels she can beat them easier. She still has her hidden idol and my question is, will she give it to her bestest bud Chelsea. OH YEAH, Kim makes the comment that she wishes she never showed Chelsea the idol way back when. Well no shit Dick Tracy, nothing good ever happens from showing someone an hidden idol, that's why its called a hidden idol. Once again, none of the women really think they are going home tonight. Alicia gets voted out and her exit speech she says a lot and then basically kicks her bud Christina, "You still suck." I don't get it and haven't gotten the hatred toward Christina all season long. What has she done to deserve that? Back at camp. Chelsea takes her shot at Christina when in a confessional she says it is a joke that Christina is still there. WOW. We will see how this effects things in the future for Chelsea. Fallen Comrades Walk This is usually a big waste of time except for Matt who was voted out third and his comment, "I was the best player." Really? First guy out and you played the best game? Must be a math major. Final Challenge I was very glad that is wasn't one of those let's see who can hold a stick longer. Take a long stick with a handle on the end to pick up clay pots and move them through a metal maize and then stack ten of them on top of one another. The big key was the entire maize contraption was built on top of a spring which moved with a slight touch. I was really hoping Christina would win and she went head to head with Kim who won again. Tribal Council Before and during tribal council Christina who is obviously the odd woman out makes no real effort to gain support and gets voted out. I understand the numbers game being 3 against 1 but for someone who is a salesman, make a pitch. Final Day We wake to see Sabrina sitting on the beach watching the sun come up and find out she was laid off from her job shortly before going on Survivor. That would suck. Final Tribal Chelsea stands up and bascially says she and Kim worked the decisions together to vote out people. Sabrina says she stayed in the background and didn't work hard at challenges because she didn't want to stand out. Kim says she loves this game. Final Council Alicia says she would have won had she made it to the final. Tarzan talked about his wife and that was about it. Kim is voted the winner. Final Analysis A few observations. Even though Colton had to be air lifted out early because he got sick, he changed the course of this game early on. And he made the most honest remark last night, the game got boring after her left. The only person who attempted to really change the course of the game was Troy who laid out the girls strategy and no one listened. Alicia and Colton proved that people can still be assholes. I don't think Chelsea got anyone's vote to win the game basically because she was a little snarky and snooty throughout the game. Kim, well Kim deserved to win because she played hard and she didn't send other people to do her dirty work. An average season topped off by a pretty good reunion show. Alicia cried, Tarzan cried, Colton was Colton and we got to see Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory. Sounds like they are bringing back three former playerspeople who had to leave due illness or injury. Should be good. One last thing it is time once again to apply to Survivor. I will be sending out my latest application tape for your review over Memorial Weekend.

Second Place

"Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it." -Mark Twain Is anybody out there paying attention? Let me clarify that, is anybody who is playing the game paying attention? Kim is hands down the best player this year and no one is picking up on this not even her closests and bestest buddy, "I have played a fair game," Chelsea. I could certainly understand this if all the girls were blonde. (Please send all your responses to that comment in care of: Andy) Day 33 In a private moment Tarzan says the girls should have voted him out. You aren't a threat so that's why they kept you. The biggest threat now is Chelsea he claims. People keep saying he is playing a smart game, more on that stupid comment later. Alicia even says she doesn't think she can beat Kim in the final. For the love of Mary, Jesus, Joseph and the frickin' donkey, does that not send up a red flag for everyone even Chelsea? How many times have we heard that this is an individual game and even if your bestest, blondest, who loves you bunches friend is still in the game, do you really want to play for second place? Apparently that is the case this year. The three amigos It is Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina and they all three think they are going to the final three. Chelsea goes outside the big three to confide in Christina about her feelings toward Kim and of course Christina runs right back to tell Kim and Alicia what Chelsea said and of course Kim runs right back to Chelsea to tell her that Christina just spill the beans about what Chelsea said about Kim. WTF? Are we in high school? By the way Miss Honesty Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Little girl is a little conceited and a lot full of herself. "I am playing an honest." She has no problem gets her hands dirty by voting out people who she didn't lie to directly, however, she hasn't exactly been forthright to those people that others have lied to. She is like the get away driver at a bank robbery, if the others get caught during the bank robbery all she was doing was sitting in a car in a parking lot. Mr. Strategy Tarzan, Tarzan, Tarzan. Really? You are smart in life but a horrible player in Survivor. You are one of those people they kept around for your vote. And why in the world would you come onto Survivor if you had no intentions in trying to win? Pisses me off, you took my place. Okay I'm done. Reward Challenge Running out to three circle discs and having to unwind them by doing the old head agaisnt the bat head and spin in a circle. I got dizzy watching people do this. Then, oh yes, while you are dizzy you have to attempt to put the puzzle pieces together to get a combination of numbers to open a combination lock to release your flag. I would have been throwing up by that point. Chelsea wins and takes who? Oh yeah Kim and Sabrina on a boat cruise which features food and showers. Kim even makes the comment that she doesn't even know when she is lying or telling the truth anymore. Red Flag? No one even paying attention anymore. Back at camp Alicia and Christina are pissed because Chelsea told them if she won she would take them. What is this High School? Sorry, used that already. Tarzan is even pissed for them. Day 36 I even re-watched this part several times this morning when Tarzan said something then Alicia reported back to Kim what he said and then Christina showed up to tell Kim something.......Cut. What is the pattern here folks? Everyone is reporting to Kim. Anybody else seeing this pattern? Hello,,,,,,McFly. Immunity One hand tied behind my back. Take a grappling hook to grab other hooks to grab bags of puzzle pieces which contain pieces to form a human body. The player had to do this with one hand tied to their side. Alicia wins and then Tarzan calls her a bitch for winning which of course he was kidding. Tarzan then tries on Kat's old shirt and puts a pair of her panties on his head. What, are we in high school? Dude took his time to try to strategize getting into the final three, then changes his mind and becomes a total idiot. Alicia then says to the camera that she is in charge of this game. What game would that be Latina Lucy? Final Tribal Council Tarzan says by the grace of God that he is still in the game. I'm not surprised, you have a vote and no one thinks you can win anyhow. Sabrina says Tarzan could be an asset, nice BS job there. Alicia wonders if Chelsea picked the right people to go on reward. Christina points out that Chelsea broke her word to her. (Chelsea reminds me of that girl in school who says nice things to your face and bad things when aren't around, not a good trait) Tarzan is voted out. Sunday The final. Playing for second place.

Kat Fight

I love watching Survivor on the Internet, it provides me with an instant replay if I miss something. Sort of like when my good friend Sherri says, "Did you get the spot out," and I can go back in time and hear "It sure is hot out." Now What? The girls know it is six girls against one guy. Well that is what you would think but what usually happens is Titanticitis. Look it up on Andypedia and you find the defintion of Titaicitis: Is that time upon which each person realizes there are lifeboats but not nearly enough to save everybodies ass. You might also call this 747itis where as the same applies to seven people onboard a plane which only has three parachutes. Adding in that no one still thinks they are going home and that it will be someone else. Day 30 Kim says she feels very confident. Alicia still thinks Christina is dumb and Sabrina isn't worried. Oh yeah, my dad just had a checkup and the doctor says he is doing fine too, just thought I would throw that one in. Sprint Moment There is no crying on Survivor, absolutley not unless of course you run your shin into that coffee table that sits next to the campfire and you grab your leg and then start to gasp for breath and go "UH, AH, shit....ah man......." Fact is these people choose to go halfway around the world and then lose their mind when mom or dad shows up who they haven't seen for 30 days. It ain't like the people on the Titantic who chose to get on the boat, play some shuffle board, eat tea and crumpets on their way to coming to America. Their itinerary really didn't mention anything about HITTING A FRICKIN' ICEBERG so I can see why those people cried. In 23 seasons of Survivor I ain't seen no icebergs as of yet so stop your frickin' crying. It ain't like they are going to put you on a board and let you float in the water and wait for a rescue boat, getting you home is on this itinerary so suck it up Alice. Oh yeah, the challenge was pretty cool and Kat won and pissed off everybody when she chose to take Kim and Alicia. Kiss my butt people, this is Survivor and you lost so no more crying about things. This ain't little kids baseball where everyone gets a trophy for things as simple as putting your shoes on the the correct feet and zipping your zipper up so do me a favor and zip it. Am I on a roll or what? Chelsea even says Kat doesn't deserve to be in the final three. Okay, vote her out then. Challenge Hold onto a rope behind your back while you are perched on a log. Eventually your rope continues go let you down closer to the water. Kim wins out over Kat who won't shake her hand when the game is over. Looks very similar to what Troy did last week. Tribal Council It all centers around Kat which is a pretty good indicator of who people will be voting for. Chelsea points out that Kat always uses her young age as an excuse for her actions which is a good point until Tarzan uses the opposite logic and says it is because of her age that he overlooks her lack of good judgement. Funny how Kat mentions that blindsides are fun.....just before she got blindsided. At this point I won't make fun of her crying at the end but she did have it coming for a few things she said about people during the game. Next Week Who gets the parachutes and who has to learn to fly a plane in five minutes or less.

This is my island.

Dear Andy, You are a week late posting your rant from last week, what happened? Alice Johnson, Apple Creek WI Dear Alice, I have a thing called a job and sometimes I am required to show up to work and do work and don't have time to post. Don't you have a welfare check to cash? Thanks for the kind note and have a super nice day, BAA Bye Andy. Tikiano Day 27 So Troy thinks he is on his own and Alicia joins the women's alliance. Nothing like jumping onto the band wagon which is full of momentum there lady. Tory, well Troy you are on your own. Kim makes a comment about not wanting Troy, Christina and Alicia to get together. I am the same way with my three sisters. One or two in the same room is okay but get all three and to quote Tobey Keith, "The Fit will hit the Sham." Challenge Through the years this challenge is by far the rudest of any. Ask tribe mates questions about each other which brings out bitter and brutal truths. Players should take note of the answers as of way of guaging their chances of winning as afterall, this is a physical AND social game. First up: Who does not deserve to be here. Answer: Christina. Ya know what if you don't want someone in the game, vote them out. Second: Who would you trust with your life. Answer: Kim. Again, this gives shades of exactly what people think of one another in a group setting. She is ahead in this game and yet NO ONE is thinking of voting her out. I wonder if it is because people like her? Third: Who needs a wake up call. Answer: Kat. I called her a blonde a few weeks ago and she ain't dyed her hair yet to prove me wrong. Who is a poser: Troy. Who is lazy: Sabrina. Who would you like to be stranded with: Kim / Again, NO ONE wants her out. Who woule you never want to see again: Troy. I wonder if these people kick new born puppies? We see Troyzan planting a seed in Kat's head that she needs to make a move because she is not in the top four. She seems to be considering it. Wild Pig My God I think this goes down as one of the top five funniest things on Survivor ever. Taking out a rope and trying to catch a pig. One question: What the hell were you going to do with the pig even if you caught it? I think it was Sabrina who said she wanted to cut off one of its leg to make a ham sandwich. Frickin' city people. Immunity Challenge Yes, girls in bikinis soaping up with oil. Dude, they could have been playing Yahtzee or folding laundry and every guy in America wouldn't have cared who won because.............it was girls in bikinis soapin up with oil. Run and slide across a slip and slide ocvered in oil to pick up rings which were then tossed onto a pole. Who won? I don't care it was girls......Oh yeah, Kim won. Toryzan was pissed he didn't win probably more because they didn't allow him to wear a bikini. Comments from the tribe Troy is devestated by his loss. Kat, well the blonde says everybody is running the show. Yeah because you let them run the show. Alicia then trumps even Colton when she says. "I teach special education and I treat Christina like one of my students." Yup, things people say tend to bring out the best in them. Tribal Council Troy knows that he is probably gone but make a great effort to explain to the group and the jury who is running the show which is Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina. Sabrina tries to weasle her way out of explaining that although the girls have six there has been no discussion as to who is ranked number six. Yeah actually you have discussed this but not with number six or number five on the totem pole being around to hear you, most likely Christina and Alicia. Alicia even jumps in and says Christian doesn't deserve to be there. WOW, did I mention the thing about kicking new born puppies? Kim points out that Troy is brilliant which he is, but has no allies. Kat doesn't want to be portrayed as weak. Here's an idea, don't play weak. Troy is voted out in a close vote over Christina. Next Week (Or in this case, last night) Kat Fight.

Everybody is against me

I was hoping somebody would step up to the plate and make this season worth watching again and it happened. Troy and his "Everybody is against me," attitude worked. The everybody is against me attitude usually works until "The everybody beats those who which everybody was against." Did that make sense to everybody?
Day 25
Troy lashes out at Alicia who reminds him that she didn't vote against him last week. Oops dude, everybody wasn't against you afterall. Chelsea tells Troy that it is just a game and to take it like a man the way Jay did last week when he was voted out. And Sabrina tells him to "don't take it personnally." As I have mentioned before many, many times, it is always the guy who is holding the gun that says, "Don't take this personnally," just before he shoots his buddy.
Auction
If I hadn't watched one episode of this season and tuned in just to watch the auction, it would have told me a lot of where people stood in the game simply by watching what items they bid on. You must be a historian of this game to realize each time they do an auction there is always one item being sold which will help a player later in the game and it was announced prior to the game that such an item existed. The player voting on the valuable item usually is hanging on and on the short side of the vote. When Chelsea, Sabrina, Kim and Kat all bid on food items and a shower that was the indicator they think they are in charge in this game.
Troy realized that already. The best part though was Alicia buying a letter from home from her father. My Cardinal Rule #7 states, "As in baseball, there is no crying in Survivor.......except when you get a letter/video/or visit from a loved one." BUT ONLY THEN AND NEVER ANY OTHER TIME....EVER. Troy buys the item which gives him an advantage after a bidding war with Christina. I question why this became a bidding war when Troy knew if he simply bid $ 500.00 that it would be his. Oh yeah, Kat buys a cake that she has to share with everyone and they have 60 seconds to eat it.
Best commercial line of the year
The commercial with the non-athletic guys playing basketball. The one guys says he saves money by, "Having my kids hitchhike to school." Now that's God Damned funny I don't care who you are.
Back at Camp
Troy reads his note from the auction and finds out he gets a free ride into the second stage of the next challenge. He openly starts looking for a hidden immunity idol so Kim attempts to rally the troops to look for the idol as she announces to them, "It is eight against one." Troy's mouth and actions have everyone nervous and Kim says, "If Troy wins the next immunity, that throws everything into Chaos." So why didn't you bid on the valuable item at the auction instead of the food and shower? I think she is getting a little too cocky now.
Challenge
The first four people to untie a huge knot moves on to the second round. Troy gets a free pass so Kim, Tarzan and Chelsea earn their way to meet Troy. The second round is taking coconuts and bouncing them off a trampoline to break targets. Tarzan and Troy move on. Troy then wins immunity by breaking his next set of targets with a slingshot. He taunts the group with "This is my island." Yeah Troy, but you are still out-numbered 8 - 1.
Back at camp
Tarzan approaches Troy and asks him to calm down. Tarzan then goes out into the water to give Leif a sponge bath. I guess that's what plastic surgeons do on vacation? Troy starts working Alicia and Christina to come over to vote with Tarzan, Leif and him. He points out that Sabrina, Kim, Kat and Chelsea are four and that they could have five. I think Alicia is really considering this now.
Tribal Council
Sabrina and Troy go back and forth like they were brothers and sisters, don't get me started on brothers and sisters. The only thing Troy said that was totally stupid was "We are going to vote Kim out." Why would you say that in front of everybody? However, going back to being a historian of this game, this would have been the best time to vote her out as she has a hidden idol. The past has shown us that people who have an idol and get blindsided are usually voted out right about this point of the game. Their ego tells them that no one will vote for them this early. Leif gets voted out but something strange happened here. Sabrina, Kat and Chelsea voted for Leif while their fearless leader Kim voted for Tarzan. Something tells me Kim isn't as secure as you might think.
Next Week.
Troy continues to work his magic and has the ear of both Sabrina and Kat. Sabrina might be the person who knows this game the best. She hasn't said or done anything stupid and realizes Troy doesn't have any friends so he might be a good person to align with and take to the final. She does continue to push him to say dumb things in front of the group then backs off.

Unless..............

Was this predictable or what? Before the show started last night I wrote down one name: Jay.
This season needs a shakeup immediately or it will get even more boring. The girls are now up 6-3 so the next three weeks we will see Troy, Tarzan and Lief voted out unless..............................
Treemail
Treemail arrives and the players are instructed to pull rocks from a bag to determine teams. They play a game of coconut on a string toss. Red teams wins so Kat, Troy, Jay, Alicia and Tarzan get to eat barbeque on an island. Not much suspense.
Depends Commercial
Actress Lisa Rini ( I think that was her name ) is asked to put on a pair of Depends in a commercial which becomes the highlight of the night. Thanks
Day 24
Kim and Chelsea talk about voting out the men. Here in lies the first part of my unless........ comment. Somebody has to do the dirty work on convincing Jay that the girls aren't voting for him. Chelsea says she can't lie to people's faces so Kim takes on the task and tells Jay they won't be voting for him. A fact in Survivor history is the people who usually win this game have someone else do the lying. In this case Kim is in charge but just lost huge points with both Troy and Jay because they know she lied. Chelsea may not like lying or she might just be telling Kim this to make her fellow alliance member look bad. Kim's now a proven liar and this could cause her votes if she makes it to the final and enhance wussy Chelsea's chances. Unless........
Challenge
Hold their hand up in the air the longest. Their hands are of course tethered to a large bucket postioned above their head which will soak them with water if they move.
Jeff starts to tempt the players with food to drop out. Of course all the ladies, who have no threat of being voted out, drop out to eat items such as brownies etc., with the exception of Chelsea. She convices the last guy Leif, to drop his hands for hamburgers. She says this will enhance his chances of not being considered a threat. Chelsea wins. Unless..... Here in lies an idea I have had for a long time. Make a challenge like this a double immunity challenge meaning you get two immunity idols if you win. This would lessen the chance that anyone would drop out and throw another nuance into the game much like Redemption Island did. Keep it not boring.
Pre Council
Troy has finally caught on that the women are coming after the men. He tries to convince Jay of this but he won't listen. Troy shows Jay his idol and tells him to consider the possibility. Of oourse Jay, who is a male model, is fully convinced that no one is voting for him. He relays to Kim that Troy is coming after her.
Tribal Council
Alicia makes the only true point of the night when she says people are behaving differently like wearing baggy clothes and taking their bags to tribal council because they might have an idol or might be going home. Ah, the non-verbal communication is starting to rear its ugly head. Troy plays his idol, Kim gets a vote, Alicia gets two votes and Jay is sent packing.
Next week.
Troy has figured out that the girls are in charge........unless........Unless he can convince Christina and Alicia that they are numbers 5 and 6 of a four person girl alliance. I think he can get Christina but he will have his work cut out for him getting one of the others. The only other option is finding another hidden immunity idol, (which my guess would be in a tree) and using it again.

7-Up and Fake Boobs

Dear Andy,
Did Tarzan really ask Chelsea if she was unhappy about the plastic surgery on her boobs?
Jane and Cheetah / Somewhere in the jungle/ Africa
Dear Jane and Cheetah,
Yes he did. I have to agree with Chelsea as from my vantage point, her boob job looks just fine to me and I for one am not unhappy about them it at all. When I say “Them” I am of course referring to her boobs. By the way I hear the value of treehouses has fallen in Africa too, sorry about your luck. Have you re-financed yet?
Andy

Day 19
My first thoughts this week were this, Kim is playing a very smart game and from the teasers, Troyzon is probably going home. It is quite apparent that Kim is playing both sides of the fence with an alliance of girls and then with her old tribe of Chelsea, Kat, Sabrina, Jay, Mike and Troyzon. She basically has 8 of the other 10 people in one alliance or another which makes her a good choice for the final two or three. At this point the only two who can stop her would be her bestest friends Chelsea and Sabrina. Oh yeah, forgot to mention Kim also has an idol in her pocket. She may have the best set up in the history of this game for getting all the way to the end.
7-Up Treemail
Yes folks a big advertiser has stepped up to the plate once again. Not since the “Home Depot build your own shitter challenge,” of a few years back has a sponsor received so much pub on this show. The teams are randomly split up and then Jeff allows them one bottle of 7-Up the first “Uncola of all-time” to be shared by all. Although in my own ranking of soda for making coke-floats with ice cream, 7-Up is third behind Coke and Root Beer. Just sayin’. The tribes must first slide down a huge slide and then bring puzzle pieces back from the water to a large stand where the puzzle will be put together. Did anybody notice that when Leif shot off the slide it looked like he was being sprung loose from his mother’s womb again. The most revealing part of this game was in the school yard pick em’, Tarzan wasn’t chosen by either side. WOW, talk about bitch slapping someone in front of millions of people. They should have just said, “We don’t want you here so go sit over there and watch us play.” Poop talk comes back to haunt Tarzan. Mike, Kim, Christina, Leif and Sabrina win the challenge and get a barbeque and of course a huge cooler of refreshing 7-Up. After the meal Sabrina, Christina and Kim talk about voting out Mike. Apparently he is the second most hated player left behind Tarzan.
Planting the Seed
Kim plants the seed in Troyzon’s head that Mike is coming after him. At first my thought was, she is in control and is taking a chance telling this lie. Then in thinking a little more, she wants Mike gone now and because of her situation and status, she can do this. Troyzon takes the bait and now targets Mike.

Day 22
Tarzan gets into yet another disagreement with Chelsea and point blanks asks her if she had a bad experience with plastic surgery and maybe because he himself is a plastic surgeon that is why she is mad at him. Talk about reaching. We find out that Chelsea had a boob job but her point is well taken that he is reaching when bringing this up. “Smart people have very little common sense sometimes,” I agree. I think it is more Tarzan is used to people doing exactly what he wants, when he wants is done.
Challenge
Move four bags of puzzle pieces which are clasped to a rope which is interwoven into the bridge they are trying to move across. Jay, Kim, Troyzon and Alicia make it across the bridge first so that four get to put their puzzle pieces together. Yes I did say Alicia. She was the Norfolk State of the NCAA tournament of making into the final here. For further explanation, I have no idea where Norfolk State is located in USA and if I have to explain that comment, then shut your computer down and walk over and sit next to Tarzan while the rest of us move on. It appears Kim is going to win, then Alicia, then Troyzon but from no where Jay wins immunity. Chelsea makes a very smart comment about Tarzan. She doesn’t like the guy but she has to put that aside because she realizes a lot of people don’t like him so it would be good to keep him around. Keeping personalities out of the game, very smart. She is not as dumb as her boobs.
Tribal Council
Eleven people at tribal council and no one thinks they are going home. Tarzan makes the best comment in that “Someone is being very deceptive.” DAH. Go back to your corner. Mike is voted out and sadly I didn’t hear his last words so if someone can forward them to me.
Next Week.
Jay takes matters into his own hands and I think he will probably get burned for it.

Let's Talk Poop

REALLY? Five minutes of the show talking about poop?
Night 17 - Post Merge
Alicia still doesn't like Christina and reminds us that Colton screwed her last week by not giving her his idol. Yes and Homer Simpson still hates Ned Flanders oakaly doakaly, what's your point? Here's a novel idea, find your own idol and get over it. She does make an obvious comment about the tribes combining, "Let the back stabbing begin."
Tikiano
Troyzan comes up with the new tribe name, tikiano. I think he said it was a combination of the words year, God and foot fungus. Jonas is cooking up coconuts and giving it a caramel type covering and tells us he hopes to have his own cooking show some day. Jay informs us that he doesn't like some people. Hmmm, maybe they don't like you. Tarzan is working on Mike who agrees with everything he says. Then after Tarzan walks away Mike tells us there is no way he will work with Tarzan. My thought at this point, "Where is Colton? Can they bring him back?"
Challenge
The twelve players are divided into two teams. Each team must move across an obstacle course consisting of digging a tunnel under an obstacle, crawl under a net and dig a hole to find bags of puzzle pieces. Ain't it funny how Leif, the smallest Survivor player ever, can't dig a hole big enough to get his four foot body under the fence. Sorry I profiled him there. However his team comes back and makes a game of it. Troyzan and Christina put the puzzle together and their team gets beer and pizza and a secret message. The secret message is a long poem which basicall says, "There is an idol back at camp." For the love of Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Donkey why not just say, "There is an idol at your camp like you don't already know that." As I am watching this I think to myself, "I wonder what tree it is hidden inside of?" I refuse to go down this road again with the exception of saying this, I think of the last 50 idols that have been hidden, 49 have been hidden in a tree. Where was the other one hidden you may ask? It was hidden next to a tree in a pile of wood. We are now at the point that when the game starts Jeff should just say, "Guys, there is an idol hidden in a tree somewhere." Nuf said.
Tikiano
The losing group is at camp talking about the beer and pizza they missed out on. Mike is working Jonas and then Jonas and Tarzan get into an argument about what type of beer Norm Peterson used to drink at Cheers. (I just threw that in there to see if you were really paying attention.) Actually I think the argument consisted of who was interupting who during their conversation. Tarzan says he is out of the alliance and doesn't care anymore and walks away. Jonas then tells Mike he has no clue as to what is going on. NEVER, and let me repeat that, NEVER tell anyone you don't know what is going, and why not? Because then people will know you don't know what is going on within the tribe. Sort of like the guy you see standing along the highway with his engine hood popped open. He knows absoulutely nothing about engines but still looks at his engine like there will be a magic button to push to make it run right. Yeah, you know who that guy is and it's probably you. My point is at least act the part like you know what you are doing.
Tikiano Day 19
Troyzan gets up early and does exactly what a good Survivor player who was just told an idol can be had at camp. He starts looking inside of, under and around all the trees in the immediate area. He finds the idol. You know what, I am going home tonight to search the two trees in my front yard to see if there is an idol there. Please go home and check the trees at your houses tonight and report back to me.
Challenge
Balance one, then a second and then a third ball on top of a flat plate while standing on a piece of wood. One by one everyone drops out until it comes down to Kat and Troyzan. You know what floored me about this challenge the most is that Kat could count to three. That was just rude. Troyzan wins immunity. This now becomes the biggest vote of the season as the numbers are 6-6 men and women.
Pre Tribal Council
Talk seems to center around voting for Jonas or Alicia. The main focus on Jonas is that he is smart and well liked while Alicia, well Alicia hates everyone. Troyzan listens as Chelsea and Jay talk about getting rid of Jonas. Troyzan immediately tells Jonas this who comes up with an idea of voting out Kat. One problem, they don't have the numbers. The second problem is Troyzan is being a big mouth spilling the beans about conversations that are supposed to be confidential from people like well people like the ones you are trying to get rid of. See if they know you are voting for them, they will try to convince you not to. I think Troyzan's mouth will come back to haunt him in the future. Meanwhile..........Chelsea is washing her clothes in the ocean and then goes to boil them in what looks like the cooking pot. Tarzan puts his underwear into the boiling pot of water along with Chelsea's clothes. She doesn't like that one bit because afterall she presoaked her pants and shirt in the salt water of the ocean which we all know kills everything. Evidently her clothes can't be in the same water as his. I wonder if one of the other girls had put their clothes in the pot if she would have said the same thing? I'm sorry but we didn't have to spend five minutes talking about poop or no poop in someone's underwear. Chelsea then changes her focus to Tarzan. Jay makes a great point that the alliance needs to focus on one person and stop changing their mind and quit worrying about poop. Well he did say the first part.
Tribal Council
Sabrina says the island is total chaos right now. Jonas calls out Mike and tells everyone that he is voting for Mike because he is a threat. Tarzan jumps in and says Jonas has been disrepectful to Mike. (This from the same guy who put his dirty underwear into the cooking pot)Jonas then tells everyone they originally had wanted to vote out Kat. Chelsea says Tarzan is a problem. Tarzan says the situation is mercurial I believe. Even Jeff gets corrected by Tarzan, who we find out is a doctor or surgeon. Now his attitude makes perfect sense. Jonas is voted out. It was funny how no one talked about poop at tribal council though.
Next Week - If you weren't paying attention, the girls just took over the game, that is if they are paying attention. In fact, Sabrina, Kim and Chelsea should make it to the final four easily if they stay together. But we have seen this before. Troyzan, well if he gets rid of his cockiness he could run the table too. No poop next week.

Karma-ed

Dear Andy,
What happened to Colton last night?
Fred Astaire, Hollywood CA
Dear Fred,
Funny thing here, do you remember the part where the house fell on the Wicked Witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz? Not many people know it but her appendix burst much like Colton's did last night. The reason her sister, The Wicked Witch of the West, was so pissed the entire movie was their medical coverage didn't allow for houses falling on them so they had to pay it all out of pocket. That frickin' Dorothy.
Andy
Manono
As the tribe returns from voting out Monica it is quite apparent that Christina is out of the loop altogether. Colton rags on her and tells that if by some magical event she makes it to the merge she will soon be voted out.
Salani Day 15
Kat tells of a dream she had that Alicia killed her at the mall. Foreshadowing of a future challenge at a mall?
Challenge
The teams race up a flight of crate-stairs to bounce coconuts off a trampoline to break targets. Next trip up to my sister's Julie who has a trampoline in her back yard, me and the boys are going to build one of these courses, whether she likes it or not. I said, "WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT." Salani wins and Colton puts all the blame onto Christina. Um, Colton, dude. Alicia sucked at this challenge too, big time. Jeff even said, "Alicia you throw like my nephew and pathetic." Salani gets to go eat ice cream and Sabrina says it was the best Day 15 ever on Survivor, yeah, good times.
Manano Day 15
Colton continues to get on Christina and tells her to quit or jump in the fire which would cause her to be medivaced from the game. Christina then starts working on Leif and Jonas about getting rid of Alicia who by chance has come out of the trees to listen to her entire conversation. Of course Alicia tells Christina that she sucks.
I swear to God if Alicia kissed Colton on the mouth that we would hear a clap of thunder and Voldermort from Harry Potter would appear in person.
The Witch Gets Sick
Colton is sick and his head hurts. My, my, my then who does he turn to for comfort? Why yes the girl he hates the most, Christina who talks to him and starts stroking his forehead. Colton adds, I'm dying. Not yet my friend, the house hasn't reached the island as of yet. Jeff comes in with two doctors who think Colton may have to have his appendix removed. Jeff explains to Colton that if he has to go to the hospital that he must leave the game. Colton leaves the game and takes his idol with him. The ever cocky and unpopular Alicia now turns her anger toward Colton who didn't give her the idol, Karma-ed part II.
Tribal Council
Both tribes come together and Jeff explains Colton's situation. Leif and Kim both tell about their dealings with having their appendix out. And I have to say this out loud in my blog, Kat then says she doesn't even know what appendicitis is? No she didn't? Oh yes she did. I think she just got voted out of the dumb blonde club.
Next Week
Tarzan takes her turn at going crazy.

Let me explanate.

Dear Andy,
When the guys gave away immunity last week, what did you do.
Efrom Zimablist Jr.
Dear Efrom,
I turned in my man card and joined the Tibetans Monks. If my voice sounds scratchy it is because I pray a lot now.
Shalom

Salani Day 12
Trayzon visits the women and they ask him how in the world did the men come up with the idea of giving away immunity. "Colton's idea." Plant the seed dude, plant the seed. Alicia said the guys just handed them the million dollars. Not so fast, this is still an individual game, you have a looooong way to go there sister sledge.
Drop you buffs
Before the reward challenge Jeff told everyone to drop their buffs. We get to see Colton give his weekly shocked pose and then see Monica have difficulty getting her buff off over her bikini. I had to rewind this part several times to make sure of what I saw and yes Monica had difficulty with her buff each time. Of course Colton calls team Salani the Greek Gods and his new Manono team the peasants. Great team spirit there Colton. The challenge is for each team to fill a huge bucket containing holes with water and then carrying the leaking bucket to fill another large bucket which when filled will release a team flag for victory. I thought this wouldn't be close but Manano almost won, they needed about a quart more of water. Get it, they were a quart low. Come on people if I have to explain my jokes I am going to start charging money. Salani gets to stay in the main camp,eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and simply smile in their triumph over the peasants. Manano has to move on and build another camp. As usual Colton does nothing to help but rather is a big gossip and talks to people about their next vote off. People are creatures of habit and the only one taking notice of this is Jonas who volunteers to be Colton's Bitch.
Day 12 Salani
Sabrina is very happy to be on the same tribe as Kim. Chelsea and Mike find crabs and the group catch a Chicken. Trayzon is so happy that he tells us he hasn't been as happy since he was Quarterback of his high school football team back in 1979. Um just a question here, this is the same guy who photographs the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models every year and being Quarterback was better? Turn in your man card and come to Tibet with me dude. Kim finds an hidden immunity and tells Chelsea. Again she broke one of my cardinal rules, find an idol don't tell anyone. Do I have to provide some re-training here?
Manano
Colton meanwhile does what Colton always does and says, "We Suck." Alicia trumps Colton's statement by saying, "We aren't going to win." Monica is hoping that Colton isn't manipulating her. DOH??? Monica catches a chicken, for about ten seconds and then it escapes. We also get to see Tarzan in his underwear. Did we really need to see that? Did it add to the show?
Challenge
Water basketball. Salani wins 3 - 1. Love basketball but this was a little boring. This leaves Manono to vote someone out.
Manano
Colton lets us know that it is hard to be a leader of idiots. My thought would be you must have experience at leading idiots because you seem to be doing a great job. He also thinks Tarzan has Alzheimer's because he has a hard time remembering things.
Tribal Council
Jonas says the odds aren't in our favor. Monica is built up to be supermom and a great athlete. Tarzan starts dropping words from the dictionary that would take me quite awhile to look up so we skip most of them. Of course he points out that one player has shown assertiveness but won't tell Jeff which one because the "Game is afoot." Tarzan then has a hard time remembering all the players names. Leif jumps in with his comments about Tarzan, calling him "The Wisdom type guy," and "he can explanate things." I even got a kick out that. As they are going to vote Colton mouths to Tarzan, "Do you remember the plan?" Golly gee whiz Wally, talk about talking down to someone. Monica goes home. Christina is surprised by this.
The Tribes
Isn't it funny how the two tribes are completly different now. Even though they lost the challenges the Manano group appears they could go to the merge with two or three players and still do fine. One thing they have over Salani is they know who their leader is, Colton. Love em or hate em he is in charge,,,,for now. I think hard days are coming for Salani even though they appear to have the stronger tribe, they don't know who is in charge. Lastly, the women have to be careful, they are now down one person overall and if Colton continues his reign of gay republican terror, he will own this game and probaly help to push gas prices to 5 dollars a gallon.

Dumb moves and buttholes

WTF? Are you stupid? Where's your head? For the love of God. Your mom really did raise an idiot didn't she? Collectively speaking the men's tribe on Survivor this year may not be the dumbest group ever, but they made the dumbest move ever last night. More on this later.
Manono Night 8
Mike is mad that they got rid of his GQ buddy Matt last week. He doesn't have anyone to talk to about the all the weaker guys who are left on the beach with him. Sorry about your luck chuck. Tarzan talks about their core of five including Trayzon, Leif, Jonas and Colton. Get rid of Bill is the plan. Leif crawls inside of the supply box and goes to sleep, classic moment.
Salani
The girls understand that their luck is changing. Jonas and Trayzon come over to their tribe and offer to do fishing and give the girls half of what they catch if they can use their net. NO GO say the girls.
Reward challenge
Slingshots used to break tiles in a tic-tac-toe pattern. The winner gets to choose between comfort-pillows etc, / protection-another tarp / Luxury-donuts etc. My first thought was if the guys win they should take the tarp and bargain with the girls to use their fishing equipment in exchange for the tarp. Doesn't matter now as the women won and chose the tarp anyhow. Now the guys are at a huge disadvantage camp wise. As I mentioned in earlier posts, you need to bargain when you have the upper hand.
Salani Day 9
Leif makes a mistake by telling Bill he is on the chopping block. WOW dude, rule number 1, keep your stinking mouth shut. Word goes around quickly that their is a traitor and Colton calls Leif a Munchkin. This would be a bad thing other than the fact that Leif is a small person. Does the word insensitive come to mind? Oh by the way it was Mike who brought this to Colton's attention who is seemingly running the show which I cannot for the life of me understand why.
Challenge
Put together three puzzles to get three keys and unlock three locks. To quote Jeff,
"This challenge wasn't even close." The men win easily. The thing I can't understand is the women even looked at the completed puzzles the men had put together and still couldn't figure out how to put their puzzles together. Say what you want if you thought the women weren't very bright, that was about to be trumped ten fold. The guys win immunity but.........
Dumbest move ever
Your team just won a challenge and since you don't have to go to tribal council you will now have an 8 - 6 person advantage. If Mrs. Head my first grade teacher (yes her name was really Mrs. Head) if she taught me correctly 8 minus 6 means we have two more people on our team. I don't care if can't get along, this is a two person advantage in a game where the two tribes have demonstrated their willingness to not depend on the other tribe.
Tribal Council
As often is the case the emotions come out. To me it is quite obvious that Bill is much more understanding and mature than Colton. He is a standup comic who is basically living his dream of being a comedian and often times sleeps on people couches as he travels around the country. Oh yeah, he is black. Colton makes no bones in front of everyone that he would never associate with anyone like Bill and won't do it on Survivor either. He tells Bill not to live off of other people. Colton then tells everyone he went to ann all white private school but has associates who are black. "We have a maid who is black, but is like family." WOW. Talk about off the wall here. Bill gets voted off because the other guys have no balls to stand up to Colton.
Next week they drop their buffs and tribes are realigned.
One last comment. Survivor has been on television for going on twelve years now and hands down Colton is by far the biggest self-serving, racist, holier than thou, asshole to ever appear on the show. Congratulations to Colton.